Human Furniture

We’re a little bit late with our post for today, and it’s not a continuation of our previous Sunday story. So to make up for it, you get this fun standalone piece Richard wrote for Kinktober. The prompt was human furniture, and I think he takes a fun and sexy take on it. Enjoy!


“Welcome to SUBKEA. What can we get for you today?” the salessub asked. He had a ballgag dangling around his neck. You could tell he really wanted to put it on, but that’s how working retail is–can’t dress how you want. The rest of his outfit was black leather (spill-resistant, I would later learn) save for the glass tabletop on his back.

“We’re looking for a new chair,” I said, nodding towards you. “This one is getting a little worn out.”

It was true; your upholstery was worn through on your ass. “And I want to treat her to something nice for our anniversary.”

“Aww, congratulations!” he said, “Did you want to stick with the fabric or switch to leather?”

“You can pick, sweetie. It’s your present after all.”

“What do you recommend?” you asked him. “I want to be nice and cozy. I’m helping him decorate a new reading nook for his present.”

It was a good thing he didn’t have the ballgag in; I’m pretty sure he threw up in his mouth a little.

“Oh, definitely leather then. We can set it up like a cute little study. Do you smoke?” he asked me. “We’ve got some great new stuff that you can put a cigar out on and barely mark it up at all.”

“I don’t,” I said. “But I could definitely start.”

“Mmm, let’s get you a tweed jacket. You can be my professor anytime, Daddy.” My chair wrapped her arms around mine, looking up and winking at me. The salesub lead us towards the back of the store. I got a sharp elbow to the ribs, followed by a little pout when I looked at a pair of chubby subs for a little too long, their Master and Mistress able to use them together as a love seat.

“So, this is our best-seller, DEVOTION. It comes in two pieces, like most of our armchairs. The frame is oak, good and solid, ergonomically designed to put minimal pressure on the sub, just enough to give you that safe feeling. We start with a frame size, you’re probably a medium, and then custom cut it to you.”

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Dishwasher Porn

This is an erotic story, written by Richard to the prompt from a friend: write me a robotic porn story where the robot is not super anthropomorphized. This is what came out.

“Come on, this has to work,” she said, wiping a clump of old soap off the contact. “How did that even get here in the first place?”

She grabbed a screwdriver off her belt, trying to pry the panel open to no avail.

“Jenny,” her dishwasher said, his voice slow and garbled.

“I’ve got it. I can fix you!” she said, pounding the handle of the screwdriver on the counter and kneeling down again to poke her head inside.

“Jenny, it’s over. I’m out of warranty, surplus parts, totaled, vintage.”

“I’ve fixed you every other time!” she slid back out, kneeling in front of him. His clock blinking 88:88 mournfully in her face.

“You did more than fix me,” he said. There was a soft whirring sound, and a jet of water sprayed out of a nozzle, splashing mostly in her face. “I’m the only talking dishwasher I know. And I know a lot, I have access to over one hundred million other dishwashers.”

She laughed a little, looking at the aimable nozzle she’d installed on him.

Another whirr, and an optical sensor tilted up at her. “I’m the only dishwasher that knows what my owner looks like.”

Jenny blinked, something he couldn’t quite do, though he quickly wiped the cleaner over his sensor.

“It feels like a waste to just throw you out,” she said. “Yeah, you’re leaking, and there’s some other issues, but you still work, mostly…”

“So don’t,” he said. “Take me out to the shed.”

Jenny blushed, “I haven’t had you out there since those first mods.”

“I know.”

“I don’t really take anything with an AI back there.”

“I know.”

“It’d be weird, you don’t know what goes on in there.”

“Don’t I?”

“Do you?”

“My sensors are equipped to detect minute changes in moisture, temperature, and vibrations. All critical for making sure dishware is properly sanitized and not damaged. I am more than capable of detecting the increase in each that occurs in you when you go out to your shed. I am also connected to enough… marital aids… to know what those symptoms mean.”

“Is that what you want? You’re supposed to want to get things clean, not dirty.”

“Call it a glitch. I am getting old.”

“You did basically spit out my coffee cup dirtier than when we started yesterday.”

“Sorry. Do you need to punish me?”

Jenny smirked, “Alright. Let’s get you out of here before you get into any more trouble.”

She walked over to the circuit breaker, glancing over her shoulder at him, “I’m going to have to cut your secondary too when I pull you out.”

“I know. It’s fine, you’ll be the first thing I see when I wake up, same as it was the first time you turned me on, and every morning since.”

She smiled, “Oh, am I turning you on now?” she asked, flipping the switch before he could answer. She leaned against the kitchen island for a moment, thinking to herself. Was she really going to do this? It was decidedly odd, even by her standards. Fucking a dishwasher? How would that even work, mechanically? She could put him on his back and climb in, let the jets do their thing… She shivered a little, it was turning her on a bit.

But she’d practically made him. Pulled him off the curb, barely functional, and with none of the sentience programming he had now. It was practically incestuous. Fuck that, they couldn’t make babies anyway, who cared. Taking a deep breath, she got to work before she could back out, undoing his nuts, bolts and screws, unhooking the wires and tubes, and getting him free of the counter. She put him on a hand truck and rolled him to the back door.

She glanced around the yard. Again, why did it matter? She was wheeling an old dishwasher back to her work shed. Either she was going to fix it, or take it apart for scrap. A perfectly normal Saturday afternoon bit of handywomaning. She rolled him across the deck, bumped down the steps, and slid open the door, leaving him on the ground next to her main workbench. She stared at him for a moment. He looked wrong like this. Rationally, she knew there was no way the machine could be dead. He could always get plugged in and work again, whether that was in ten minutes or ten thousand years. Worst case scenario, he might lose his memory, but there were back ups. And he was a dishwasher, the basics were fairly simple. Spray water in this pattern, run a fan, lock and unlock the door on time.

She got to work, hooking his hoses back up, cutting a few length of tube, and attaching them to a splitter off of her work sink. Briefly, she wondered about drainage. Should she hook up that hose? If so, where to? She could leave it off, just let him pool there like a wet spot on the sheets. Nah, that was half the advantage of fucking a robot, way easier to clean up. A moment later, the final connection was running into the sink. She double checked all the seals, and then plugged in his secondary power, the one that ran his display, speech processor, and other relatively low power components.

“Welcome back!” she said, hands on her hips as she looked down into him.

“This is a bit disorienting,” he said, sensors blinking back on.

“Why? Because you’ve barely seen a room other than my kitchen?”

“Partially, but mostly because I’ve never been powered on in this orientation before.”

She smirked, “Don’t worry, big boy, I’ve got plenty of practice with mechanical orientations, you just let me take the lead.”

He tried to laugh, a sound his basic speaker struggled with, leading to something closer to a staticy growl.

“I’ll put that on your upgrade list,” she said, before reattaching the main power. His nozzles, fans, and scubbers whirred, motors checking status. Some failed, some sort of half managed. It would be alright, there was definitely more of him working than she’d need. The first time was always a little clumsy anyway.

“You’re sure about this?” she said, pulling off her tool belt and placing it on her work bench. “This would definitely void your warranty.”

“Like you didn’t do that twenty times the day you brought me home?”

She smiled, unbuttoning her shirt and leaning down a bit more, giving her breasts a quick shake. “Not really sure if this does anything for you, but I’m sure we can figure that out. I’ll have to make some upgrades to your programming to facilitate your new purpose anyway.”

“You are so dirty. Get in me. I want to spray all over you.”

She laughed again, tossing the shirt on the bench as well, “Probably upgrade your dirty talk, or maybe I’ll just leave you this way. I fell in love with the you in my kitchen, I guess I shouldn’t try to turn you into a sex bot over night.”

He flashed his clock a few times. She wasn’t quite sure what that meant, but she assumed it was positive. Hooking her fingers into the waist of her jeans, she shimmied them, along with her panties, off and stepped into the dishwasher. As she did, she heard a hiss of water, and smiled when she felt a warm pool down to about her ankles.

“Oooh, that already feels better than half the sex I’ve had in my life,” she said. She stood inside for a moment, looking down at him as he looked up at her. And then the first jet sprayed right against her pussy.

“Mmmm, fuck,” she moaned, grabbing onto his sides to keep herself steady.

“How was that?” he asked, “Not too hot?”

“No, just right. Do it again.”

He complied, a longer pulse this time, aiming a smidge higher to brush her clit.

“Yesss, that’s it,” she said, hand slapping down on his controls, sending out a few beeps when she slapped the cycle button. He ignored them, adding a few lighter jets to the mix, teasingly spraying over her thighs.

“Just like scrubbing a pitcher,” he said, another distorted laugh warbling out of his speaker.

“If you say so,” she said, eyes half closed.

A moment later, his main spray arm swung into action. It wasn’t really aimed anywhere particular, it just washed over her lower body, feeling like he was touching her in a dozen places at once in a way no human guy ever had.

“Fuck, now I see why men are so excited to get inside their partners, this is incredible.”

“You haven’t even seen anything impressive yet,” he said.

“Oh, trust me, I’m plenty impressed.”

“We haven’t tried any of my modifications yet, I’ve been told this part of a human is especially dirty, I want to make sure I scrub it properly.”

A moment later, a small arm popped out of one of his interio sides, holding a polishing cloth. It slid against her ass, teasing between her cheeks.

“Typical male, goes right for the ass whether the girl wants it or not.”

“I’m nothing if not thorough,” he said, increasing the pressure a bit, but still not quite slipping in.

Jenny crouched down a bit lower, making more of her body accessible to him, a pair of jets near the door switched on, aiming for her nipples. Not quite as hard as the one between her legs, just enough warm pressure to drive another moan past her lips.

“If someone told me last year that you were this good a fuck, I’d have ripped you out of the cabinet with an axe to get you back here faster.”

She started rocking him lightly as she shuddered, two thirds of her body under assault by a jet, scrubber, or spray. He was a generous lover, programmed only to give her what she desired. She would have slowed him down if she wanted, but she didn’t. A few minutes later, she felt herself clenching, release coming soon.

“What do those sensors tell you now?” she asked.

“You are approaching orgasm. Based on my data, there is a sixty three point seven percent, repeating, that you will experience female ejaculation.”

“You wouldn’t be the first one to try.”

“No, but you’ve been wasting your time with boys up until now,” he said, adjusting his flow to hit her just right, pressure forcing its way inside and bubbling against her g spot. “Now you’re with a fucking machine.”

She cried out, knees buckling as she squirted, her own spray blasting against his own for a second. As she did, he dropped the pressure on a few of the side jets, focusing just on the ones critical to her pleasure, and increasing the flow to her pussy, mimicking an orgasm of his own.

She hung on to his sides, knuckles white as she tried to catch her breath. That was when she realized something else about him. As long as he had water and power, there was no reason he’d need to stop. Groaning out, she tried to find the STOP button on his front panel, unable to speak. She pressed it down hard, holding for a few seconds, when he finally let the remaining flow slow to a dribble, letting most of their mixed fluids (nearly up to her waist now) drain out the drainage hose.

“So, feeling clean enough?” he asked.

She looked down, rubbing her hands over her skin, raw and red in a few places from the spray, but worth it. “I’ll need to recalibrate you a bit. I think you used your Corelle settings when you should’ve been on bone china. But yeah, that definitely scratched an itch.”

“I have never scratched a glass in my life.”

She patted his frame as she sank down, tucking her knees to her chest, nearly fitting entirely inside him. “Wake me up if I nod off for too long. I just want to sit with you for a few minutes. Then we can do my second rinse.”


We’ll be back tomorrow with more submission and domination posts!

Double Trouble

Two shorts for you this week. One loosely based on a true story, and one a little more out there.


“More please,” he said, wriggling his foot under the afghan.

She rolled her eyes, “You’re lucky I love you,” she said. She opened the hope chest, pulling out a heavy quilt and draping it over him. He smiled but gave another little wriggle.

“And you have to promise to tell me if you get too hot,” she said, looking down at him with her hands on her hips.

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Posture Practice: Part 2

Doms scream, subs scream, we all scream for ice cream.


“Ready for your dessert?” she asked, taking his dishes with hers and walking them to the sink. She paused for a moment, then placed them in using her arms as much as possible and her waist as little as she could.

He stepped into the kitchen, leaning in to whisper against her ear. “I think it’s more of a second course,” she shivered. Which only made her whimper. “We’ll have dessert at home. I think you’ll have earned a treat by then.”

“Yes, Sir. Thank you, Sir,” she said, gratefully accepting his hand on her back as he guided her towards the door. There was a sweatshirt and a pair of loose sweatpants already folded there, which he helped her get into. It didn’t hurt too much.


“You know, your sneakers might be better since they give you support, but getting them on would be hell.”

“I’ll be fine in my sandals, Sir.”

The one block walk to the ice cream shoppe was the biggest challenge yet. Every step sent twinges of pain through one part of her or another. Even with his arm to hold on to, it was hard to keep steady footing across the uneven ground.

“I’ll get it; you just find a good spot for us to eat,” he said. “Teaberry and rainbows?” he asked.

She started to nod her head, gasping before she had tilted it much. “Yes please…”

He walked over to the line while she slid over to a countertop on the side of the building. It looked just the right height… it was! She had to stand up on her toes a bit, but it was worth it to lean in and relieve the pressure. Thank God. She glanced at the stool next to her. It’d hurt to get on, but it might be more comfortable in the long run… And that was when a kid ran by, knocked into the stool, and it hit her hip. She sucked in a long breath, managing not to scream at him and get them kicked out when a dish of ice cream appeared in front of her face a moment later.

“No cone?” she asked, surprised. “I thought you liked watching me eat my ice cream that way.”

“I do,” he said, taking a long, slow lick of his cone. “But I thought this would be easier, and even I only have so much sadism for one night.”

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Posture Practice: Part 1

Hey everybody! Richard here with your weekly solo story. This one’s a two parter, so make sure you stop back next week!


“Excited to see what you got those for?” he asked.

“I don’t need a reason to follow orders, but I am curious, Sir,” she said, reaching down to tweak her nipple ring and shivering a little, then repeating it with her hood piercing. “You kept me in suspense until they healed. It was very hard to be patient for six months, but I tried to be good for you.”

“Mmmhmmm,” he said, opening their toy chest and pulling out lube, an anal hook, hairbrush, and some thin chain.

She craned her neck to watch what he was doing, “Oooh, looks like a fun night.”

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Choked Up

Did you ever have one of those days? One where your boss was an asshole, your were stuck at work an hour late, and nothing goes right. What do you do? Eat a whole pint of Ben and Jerry’s? Take a nice bath? Push your Dom until he snaps and slams you into the wall?


I walk into the apartment, dropping my bag before the door was even fully open. Whatever was in it, books, I think, skid out across the floor as I stumbled inside with a groan. I blink a few times, spotting you coming around the corner, dishrag over your shoulder. A ragged smile comes across my face.

“Honey, I’m home,” I mumble, taking another slumping step forward.

My eyes are already half-closed when I bump into you. I don’t even bother to say anything, just lean in. I feel your arms wrap around my back. Mmmmm, warm. Safe. Your lips are on the top of my head, brushing through my hair to kiss my skin.

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Checking In

Hello dear readers, Jayden here to give you an update on how things are going for Richard and I in the realm of writing. Back on New Year’s Eve, I had the pleasure of introducing Richard and sharing some of our writing goals for 2021. We wanted to take some time to check in with you all and give you an update of how we’ve been doing.

I will freely admit that consistent writing hasn’t been going very well, but that’s primarily due to some major life changes for both of us, including that we moved in together about a week ago! But now that we’re settling in and finding new routines, I hope that our word counts will jump up.

1 Million Words!

We started the challenge of writing 1,000,000 words in 2021. When I attempted this last year mostly on my own, I was super on track in January! And then February I slipped a little. And then quarantine… And yeah, that was it.

This year, we did not start off super strong, but I have confidence in Richard and I that we can catch up. We wrote 31,445 words in January and 24,173 in February. I guess technically we could write a few more words tonight, but I don’t suspect there will be a ton more coming in today.

Thank you Richard!

I was excited to announce Richard joining me two months ago, but I am super happy to say that it’s been working out better than I ever thought it could. We have posted every Tuesday/Thursday/Saturday, and some additional days. That’s a *huge* improvement over my previous blogging habits, and we’ve seen that with more regular readers. So thanks to all of you who are reading! But I have to give a lot of the credit to Richard, who has sat with me while I dragged out the words to make my personal posts and has collaborated with me as we’ve done our collab posts sometimes wrapping things up just minutes before the scheduled post. I couldn’t have done it without you!

Looking Ahead…

We are excited to answer some questions for you every day of March thanks to Marquessa Matthews. Make sure you check back daily to learn a little more about Richard and I.

In addition, we’ll still be posting on our regular schedule:

Tuesdays:We will both answer the questions from the TMI Tuesday blog.
Thursdays:Stop by every Thursday for one-shots from Richard!
Saturdays:Collaborative Writing – Stories we write together.

And then in April, we’ll take a break from that schedule because we’ll be doing the A to Z Blog Challenge! The Theme Reveal goes up on March 8th! Get excited! I am looking forward to generating more content!

Still Flirting?

Hey everybody! Richard here, with my first solo story for the blog. Jayden will be stepping back for the next month or so to do A to Z Challenge prep, so you’ll be getting a bunch of short stories from me for your Thursday solo content. Don’t worry, she’ll still be around for TMI Tuesday, our Saturday collabs, and maybe a surprise or two…


As the chicken dance came to a close, and the band slowed down a little, she looked around.

She thought she caught a glimpse of her husband in the corner, talking to a couple of his friends. She took a step towards him, then heard a voice behind her.

“Need a partner?” 

She looked over. It was one of the guys from the table next to theirs.  He had a navy blue suit and a close-cropped beard, kind of neat and old-fashioned, especially for his age.

“Sure,” she said, taking it, then grinning when he wrapped his other hand around her waist and pulled her in.

“They should give people a warning when they’re going to switch like that,” he said, his chest vibrating lightly against her as he spoke. “Otherwise, pretty girls get stranded, and then they’re stuck dancing with whatever creep shows up.”

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