Checking In

Hello dear readers, Jayden here to give you an update on how things are going for Richard and I in the realm of writing. Back on New Year’s Eve, I had the pleasure of introducing Richard and sharing some of our writing goals for 2021. We wanted to take some time to check in with you all and give you an update of how we’ve been doing.

I will freely admit that consistent writing hasn’t been going very well, but that’s primarily due to some major life changes for both of us, including that we moved in together about a week ago! But now that we’re settling in and finding new routines, I hope that our word counts will jump up.

1 Million Words!

We started the challenge of writing 1,000,000 words in 2021. When I attempted this last year mostly on my own, I was super on track in January! And then February I slipped a little. And then quarantine… And yeah, that was it.

This year, we did not start off super strong, but I have confidence in Richard and I that we can catch up. We wrote 31,445 words in January and 24,173 in February. I guess technically we could write a few more words tonight, but I don’t suspect there will be a ton more coming in today.

Thank you Richard!

I was excited to announce Richard joining me two months ago, but I am super happy to say that it’s been working out better than I ever thought it could. We have posted every Tuesday/Thursday/Saturday, and some additional days. That’s a *huge* improvement over my previous blogging habits, and we’ve seen that with more regular readers. So thanks to all of you who are reading! But I have to give a lot of the credit to Richard, who has sat with me while I dragged out the words to make my personal posts and has collaborated with me as we’ve done our collab posts sometimes wrapping things up just minutes before the scheduled post. I couldn’t have done it without you!

Looking Ahead…

We are excited to answer some questions for you every day of March thanks to Marquessa Matthews. Make sure you check back daily to learn a little more about Richard and I.

In addition, we’ll still be posting on our regular schedule:

Tuesdays:We will both answer the questions from the TMI Tuesday blog.
Thursdays:Stop by every Thursday for one-shots from Richard!
Saturdays:Collaborative Writing – Stories we write together.

And then in April, we’ll take a break from that schedule because we’ll be doing the A to Z Blog Challenge! The Theme Reveal goes up on March 8th! Get excited! I am looking forward to generating more content!

D/s with Jayden and Richard

The other day, I (Jayden) was listening to There’s Nothing Holding Me Back by Shawn Mendes. As I listened to the lyrics, I realized that there are some definite Dominance/submission overtones to it. Lines like:

I wanna follow where she goes
I think about her and she knows it
I wanna let her take control
‘Cause everytime that she gets close, yeah

Oh, I’ve been shaking
I love it when you go crazy
You take all my inhibitions
Baby, there’s nothing holdin’ me back
You take me places that tear up my reputation
Manipulate my decisions
Baby, there’s nothing holdin’ me back

So this got me thinking about what our readers might be curious about. I was curious to know how Richard got into D/s in the first place, so we’re going to share our Origin Stories with you.


When I was in high school, my boyfriend and I were fooling around in pretty tame ways, as high schoolers often do. One day, I put my arms up above my head, and he said, “Do you want me to tie them up like that?” I don’t remember what I said, but I do remember being surprised and excited. We agreed to try it the next time I was over. I was super nervous about the whole thing, but it was a great gateway into a relationship that allowed me to explore both sides of Dominance and submission, and although it was very fumbly, I figured out a lot about myself. Thankfully, I think we’ve both learned a lot since then.


My first experience was also in high school, although I have some memories earlier that seem kink related (did anyone else think skinning your knee on the playground felt kind of good?) It was with my first girlfriend, and like Jayden’s it wasn’t exactly smooth sailing. We were both switches, thought I think we both preferred to be Dominant. One particular memories stands out for me. It was in tenth grade, before we started dating, I remember standing in the middle of the band room when she asked me if I knew what watersports. At the time, the answer was only vaguely, but I think I’ve got it mostly figured out now.

Jayden: Trading Up Chapter 1

I have a tendency to get hooked on a song and have it stuck in my head for days (or sometimes weeks). Recently, I got Maroon 5’s Maps stuck in my head. I listened to it on repeat for a day or two before I really let the words sink in. I imagine many of you know what I’m talking about when I say that I knew all the words, but hadn’t really thought about their meaning. And then it hit me. What the fuck is the narrator doing?

If you’re curious to hear the song before I share my thoughts, here it is:

To summarize the story in the song, the narrator is asking where “you” went and why “you” weren’t there for him when he needed you. And yet, he’s still following the map that leads to “you.” Why follow someone who’s hurt you so much? This passage in particular speaks to me:

I was there for you
In your darkest times
I was there for you
In your darkest nights
But I wonder where were you?
When I was at my worst
Down on my knees
And you said you had my back
So I wonder where were you?

I had a very similar relationship recently. I have a distinct memory of being down on my knees sobbing while this particular person turned and walked away. I was grateful in that moment to have other partners there to support me, including one who literally picked me up off the floor and held me while I cried.

So, in November, I wrote the novella I’m going to share with you over the next 10-ish weeks. It is my imagining of how that relationship was going to end. I was WAY off base in a lot of ways, but I am happy to say that it’s over now, and I have moved on to much better and healthier relationships. And reality has turned out to be so much better than I could have foretold.

Chapter 1:

Tonight is the night. The night for what, you ask? For the end. Or the beginning. Or both, maybe. There’s a saying, right, that’s something like, “Every moment is the first moment of the rest of your life.”

Well, that’s this moment for me. It’s definitely going to be a turning point. Everything will be different from this point on. Maybe it will be better. Probably it will be better. Definitely it will be better.

Continue reading

Vote…vote…for the love of…

Please vote. Please.

I try not be too political here (because I need a mental break for it and I am very political on my personal pages).

But for the love the world, please vote. I won’t even tell you how to vote, because obviously that’s your right to choose. (Though if you have half a brain, you won’t vote for the current power.)

Why should you vote?
Vote for the children.
Vote for the people who don’t look like you (or maybe they do).
Vote for the people who don’t have a voice.
Vote for the people who didn’t make it to the election.

And this is the point where I have to stop writing because I think of the kids separated from their parents, the people who’ve died at the hands of those who were supposed to protect them, the people who’ve had their rights granted and taken away, and face them being taken away again…

Just please go vote.

Only Human

I have a tendency to fall in love with a song and listen to it on repeat until someone wants to murder me. I will often use headphones so no one else has to hear it, except I can’t do that when I’m playing it on the piano and singing.

I fell in love with a song I heard on the radio in just that way, and I purchased the sheet music, and then bought the “album” (of mp3s). I won’t go into my frustrations about not being able to download the ACTUAL song I wanted even though I paid for it, but I’m listening to the rest of the album now and the song (referenced above) is about to be my next obsession.

I highly recommend you give it a listen:

There are parts of it that resonate to the depths of my soul right now. And I am afraid that that might show through in my characters this November. But you know what, maybe it will be cathartic?

What do you listen to while you write?


I have been very inspired lately to write about true experiences that are happening for me right now. This has in part been inspired by the Erotic Journal Challenge Prompt for June – Relaxed. So here’s another true story for you:

My alarm goes off at the usual time, and I groan. I was up late last night, and I don’t want to be awake now. I sit up and take my morning pills and decide I’m going back to sleep. It’s my day off, technically. I nestle back under the covers, rubbing my face on the soft, cool pillowcase, and relax back into sleep.

I come out of sleep again to feel your hand on my back. You’re rubbing my stiff muscles, and I drift in and out of sleep for…a while. I’m not sure how long your fingers knead my back, your nails lightly scraping my skin. I feel so relaxed. I never want to move again.

But you know I’m waking up, and I know I don’t have much longer to enjoy your hands on my body. You whisper in my ear, “What do you think of me putting nipple clamps on you while I flog you?”

A rush of heat floods my senses. It sounds painful. “Yes, please.”

“Roll over,” you say.

I do, bracing myself for what I know is going to be a lot. It’s been over a month since you’ve put clamps on my nipples. I’m not used to them. You start with the right one, and I know it’s the more sensitive one. Always has been. I am whimpering as soon as the metal closes over my sensitive bud. The other one goes on more easily, but the longer you kneel over me, looking down at my clamped nipples, the more it hurts. I have nothing to focus on.

“Up on your knees,” you say, and I do what I think you want. I turn so that my ass is facing you, the chain connecting the clover clamps resting on the bed. “No, up,” you say, and you pull me up so that I’m kneeling. You’re so close to me, and thank goodness, because I’m sure I would fall over if you let me go. The chain dangles between my breasts, my big thighs parted. I look down, and for a moment, maybe I see it. Maybe I see what makes you so attracted to me. My breasts are full and firm; the chain rests on my belly. I see the stretch marks, and for once, they don’t bother me. My thighs are big but powerful, and I know I’m going to be dripping on the bed soon with my arousal. For just that moment, I see me the way you see me.

And then all thought is driven from my mind when you hit my ass with the flogger. I’m still a bit sore from our caning a week ago, and the flogger stings. I gasp and my body rocks, the chain pulling on my nipples. My whimpers are constant as you flog me, switching sides halfway through. My nipples hurt so much, but the distraction of the flogger helps.

You push me forward with a gentle nudge on my shoulder, and when the chain hits the bed, I whimper some more. “Oh god,” I groan, and then your fingers slip between my thighs, sliding along my pussy.

“You’re soaking wet.”

I don’t have words. I just whimper. But I am. I am nearly dripping already.

You flog me again, raining the pain over my ass. Even as I think about how much it hurts, I can feel myself getting more turned on. When you finally stop, I am whimpering even more. Your fingers slide along my folds, and this time you press two fingers inside me, fucking me slowly. I push back against your hand, wanting more. Oh god, wanting so much more.

“Flip over,” you tell me.

I do, spreading my legs for you.

“When you cum, take off the clamps.”

Ah yes, the clamps. They hurt when I flip over, but otherwise, my nipples have lost enough feeling that it isn’t as painful. Which means it’s going to hurt a lot when they come off. That rush of blood back to them is the worst part. Best part? Most intense part.

You slip three fingers inside me now, and I feel so full. Your tongue caresses my clit, and I’m ready to lose my mind. I both want the orgasm and know that it’s going to be painful when I take the clamps off. But I’m so turned on that I know I don’t have long. And then you bring your free hand up and wind your finger around the chain connecting my nipples, and oh my goodness, I can’t believe it. My nipples feel like they’re on fire, and my orgasm is about to roll over me.

My eyes roll back in my head, and I grab the release on the clamps. I take them off at the same time, and the pain floods my senses. It’s insanely intense. My pussy clenches around your fingers, a shudder goes through me, and the pain in my nipples all combines into one very intense orgasm. The next thing I know, you’re on top of me, and I’m lifting my legs to let you in. The depth is incredible, and I love feeling your cock filling me up. You pound into me, my breasts bouncing. My nipples scream with pain as my large breasts bounce. I grip them to hold them still, and it dulls the pain somewhat.

Another orgasm overtakes me, between the pleasure of your cock and the pain in my nipples, my pussy clenches around you. I am moaning again, thrusting back against you as best I can. When the orgasm starts, I let go of my breasts, and they bounce as waves of pleasure overtake me. I grip your arms, solid muscle above me and look up into your face. I love watching as you cum, your face intense, your breathing fast. It’s the sexiest I ever get to see you. You make the telltale sound of your orgasm, a sound I have loved for more than a decade. And I sigh contentedly.

We clean up a bit, and I curl up in your arms, your chest hair tickling my nose. I want to drift off back to sleep, but instead, we talk. We talk about how much we love each other, how happy we are, how far we’ve come in our relationship. And by the time we’re done talking, you’re hard again.

“I’m sorry?” I ask when you point out your erection.

“Why?” you ask. “Are you too hungry for another round?”

“Breakfast can wait,” I say, and you grin down at me.

You press your lips to mine, and I can taste myself on them still. I relax into your embrace. I am the luckiest woman in the world.


See more erotic journal challenge posts here.


Social Media is a time suck. I hate it. I hate that I can waste HOURS of time just scrolling through. I even put a time limiter on myself like I would for a child. It’s nuts. I get lost scrolling Facebook on my computer. The worst is when I catch myself scrolling on my phone and computer at the same time.

I often think about leaving. But… I won’t.

The other day, someone I’m friends with posted something political. I didn’t want to post about it publicly because it involves looking for a new job so I sent her a message. Scrolling up (because Facebook saves everything), I realize that we haven’t spoken directly in 12 years. 12 years! We have liked each other’s posts and maybe even commented sometimes, but we haven’t had any direct interactions.

What was cool about it was that she offered me a place to stay post-pandemic if I’m ever in the area and said that she really enjoyed watching my life on social media. I never would have guessed that she would care that I got married and had a family, not because she isn’t a caring person, but because it surprises me that I would matter to someone else at all.

So, it goes to show you (me) two things:

  1. You never know who your posts are impacting, so go ahead and make that post.
  2. Social media isn’t all evil and leaving isn’t necessary. But maybe limiting the time would be good…

Relaxed, Part 3

Here is Part 3 of my 3-part story! If you missed Part 1, click here.

I climb onto Nick this time, positioning his cock inside me. It feels incredible to have him inside me. I sink down onto him, moaning. Lucas reaches a hand over and runs it along Nick’s chest. I love that we’re all so connected. We have a good rhythm for a bit, but I’m tired. When I nearly collapse on top of him, we know it’s time to switch things up.

I climb off him, getting tangled up in the guys again. “I want to take you from behind,” Nick says.

Lucas lays on his back in front of me, and I lick my lips looking down at his cock. I can’t wait to feel it between my lips. I position myself with my ass in the air, and Nick settles himself behind me, pressing his hard cock against my slit. I’m still so wet from him going down on me. His cock slides into me, and I groan as I take Lucas’ cock into my mouth.

When I first wrap my lips around him, he’s soft and silky in my mouth, but he gets hard quickly. I grip the base of his cock with my fingers as he stiffens. He grunts a little as I take him deeper, rubbing my tongue along his shaft.

Nick fucks me hard, and I’m moaning around Lucas’s cock. It’s so fucking hot. And then Lucas reaches his hand between my legs and rubs my clit. He always knows how to find just the right spot. My whole body shudders. I take his cock out of my mouth because I am panting so hard and gasping for air. But his cock is slick, and I know how he likes to be stroked. I wrap my fingers around him and slide them up over the head of his cock. I use small strokes, and he groans deep in his throat. Nick stills inside me, and I know that he’s waiting. He grinds his hips against me slowly, letting me feel his hard cock, but not fucking me. Lucas keeps playing with my clit. I feel like I’m going to burst.

I take Lucas back into my mouth, feeling the head of his cock rubbing against the roof of my mouth. He’s starting to swell, and I know he’s going to cum soon. I open my eyes and glance at his feet. His toes are curling. I love those telltale signs that he’s close. Nick starts to move again, thrusting slowly at first, letting me feel his full length, his fingers digging into my hips. I love it. I love how he controls the sex between us, how he has this power over my body.

I feel the orgasm building, and I’m sure Nick can feel it too as my pussy clenches around him. He starts to fuck me hard now, thrusting deeply. As he fucks me hard, my whole body rocks, Lucas’ body rocks, and I let the momentum move my mouth on Lucas. As the three of us rock together, I feel my pussy clench around Nick’s cock. Lucas must hear my whimpers and moans, but he doesn’t stop playing with my clit. Nick fucks me harder still, but I can feel that he’s close, and he pulses inside me as he cums. I had hoped I could get Lucas off at the same time, but he’s not far behind. Nick slides out of me and collapses on the bed. I let my body slide flat and focus my attention on Lucas. He’s so close. I stroke him with my hand, and I feel the little tap on my back that I know means he’s close. I press his cock into my mouth, sucking lightly on the head and stroking with my hand.

“Oh god,” he groans as his hot cum fills my mouth. I wait until he’s done, stroking him softly with my fingers, and then I swallow, licking my lips and smiling.

We get cleaned up enough to sleep, our bodies still glistening with a fine sheen of sweat and arousal. Nestling myself into Lucas’ arms, pressing my body against his, and then bringing Nick in against mine. I am surrounded by warm bodies and love, and I have never been more content and relaxed.

Click the logo to find other blogs with the theme of Relaxed for June!

Relaxed, Part 2

Here is Part 2 of my 3-part story! If you missed Part 1 yesterday, you can find it here.

Even though I’ve screamed out my orgasm, Nick hasn’t let me go. His fingers are still buried deep inside me, his tongue is still pressed against my clit. I’m trying to fight him off, but only half-heartedly. Even if I really want him off, I know it’s not going to be easy with Lucas holding me down. I whimper as his tongue moves on my clit. Lucas flicks his tongue across my nipple. I’m writhing in overwhelming pleasure. I can’t form words, just whimpers of pleasure and then pain as Nick nibbles on my soft folds. He doesn’t usually use teeth down there, but I find that it’s sexy as hell. I buck my hips against him.

When he pulls his fingers out and lets go of my clit, I’m both relieved and disappointed. But I want one of them to fuck me. Or both. Both is good. We settle back into the positions we were in before, with me between the two men. I look between the two men, and I’m overwhelmed with emotion. This is perfection.

I lean over and kiss Nick, tasting myself on his lips, feeling my wetness clinging to his beard and mustache. I kiss him deeply and whisper that I love him. He returns the sentiment. Then I lean over Lucas and kiss him deeply, whispering that I love him. He also returns the sentiment. I could be at peace in this moment forever.

But my pussy has other ideas. I have regained the ability to speak, thank goodness, and say, “Can I ride you, Lucas, while you play with Nick?”

He agrees, and I turn to Nick. He nods, and we adjust, the two men moving closer together once I’m out of the way. I climb on top of Lucas and let his cock slide into me slowly. He shudders as I settle myself down on him. I’m sitting up, my nails digging into his thigh behind me. I start to move up and down, watching as he reaches over and grips Nick’s cock, stroking it lightly.

Watching them together spurs me on, and I start to move faster up and down, feeling his cock slam home every time. Then I lean forward, placing one hand on either side of his head. I lower my face to his so I can kiss him while his cock slides in and out of me. It’s incredible. Our tongues dance, and I want to just melt into him, but I do my best to keep the rhythm going. I bite his chest near his collarbone. I want it to bruise, but I don’t bite too hard. Then I kiss him again before sitting up. His cock goes deeper when I sit up, and I throw my head back in a moan. I want to watch Lucas stroking Nick, but I can’t focus. I’m too lost in the sensations in my own body.

Lucas thrusts his hips, moaning when our timing is just right. It’s incredible. Nick’s hand rests on my thigh, bringing me that connection I crave.

“Nick’s turn,” Lucas says, and I smile, knowing what he wants. As much as he enjoys fucking me, he loves my mouth and hand on his cock. I climb off, a tangle of limbs as we change positions again.

Click the logo to find other blogs with the theme of Relaxed for June!

Relaxed, Part 1

I have been struggling to get words down, but this morning, I was inspired to write something. I turned into a 3-part short story that I’ll be posting the next three days. It occurred to me that I should go look at the Erotic Journal Challenge, and I realized that it fits. This (mostly real) experience of mine describes a time when I have been very relaxed and comfortable. So here is Part 1!

It’s been a long day. A very long, very emotional day. I slip the thin straps of my nightgown down over my shoulders, and the silky garment drops to the floor and pools at my feet. I step out of it, slipping my feet out of my flip flops. The bed looks comfortable and inviting. Part of me wants to lie down in the cool sheets and sleep for a week. But on either side of me, Lucas and Nick are undressing. As much as I want to sleep, the pull of their naked bodies is too strong to resist, and I’m instantly wet. I crawl onto the bed, fighting the urge to just collapse onto the cool sheets. I have my ass stuck up in the air, and I look over my shoulder to see both men staring at it. I grin and lick my lips.

They climb onto the king-sized bed on either side of me. Lucas drapes the soft throw blanket over his body, and Nick tosses the comforter over his. I lay in between them on my stomach, not bothering with any blankets. Instantly, they’re both touching me. Their hands on my body are so comforting, and I know if I’m not careful, I will drift off to sleep. Lucas drags his nails down my back and across my ass, and I groan into my pillow. Nick’s fingers knead a spot on my back that’s always tense. I sink more deeply into the softness of the moment.

As the two men touch me, I can feel moments where they touch each other. Just knowing that they’re caressing each other like they are me turns me on more than anything they’ve done to me. The desire is burning low in my body, but it’s on the rise. I know that I’m not going to be able to resist it much longer, as comfortable as I am.

I roll to my side, slipping my legs underneath the throw blanket covering Lucas. I can feel his hard cock pressed against my ass as I cuddle up to him. I reach out for Nick, raking my nails lightly across his chest. Lucas presses closer to me, moaning softly in my ear, wrapping one arm around me to play with my nipples. His touch is like fire going through me. My skin tingles where he touches me, and when he pinches my nipples, it’s like a direct line to my pussy. He nibbles lightly on my neck, and I moan and press my ass back against him. He lets go of my nipples and grips my hip with his hand. I know he wants to fuck me, and I can’t wait to feel him deep inside me.

Nick watches us for a few moments and then slips down the bed to crawl between my legs. He pushes my legs apart and slides two fingers along my slit. I am dripping wet already, and he has no problem slipping his fingers deep inside me.

I groan and thrust my hips to bring his fingers deeper inside me. He brings his mouth down to cover my clit and sucks gently. I groan again, and Lucas wraps his arm around me and keeps me from being able to move much. I consciously relax my body, closing my eyes, and focusing on Nick’s tongue on my clit. Lucas begins to play with my nipples again, and it feels so amazing. I slip my arm around Lucas’s back so his head rests on my shoulder. Nick’s tongue and fingers are working their magic, but the addition Lucas in my arms playing with my nipples pushes me to unbelievable heights of arousal.

I am nearly incoherent, but I manage to convey to Lucas that I want him to kiss me. His lips are soft against mine, his facial hair scratchy on my face. I love it. I kiss him again and again, light kisses turn deeper, my tongue flicking out to touch his soft lips. He opens to me, and our tongues touch. It’s so sensual, especially with Nick’s tongue doing a similar dance on my clit. I know I’m not going to last much longer. My breath is coming short, and my kisses are becoming more frantic.

Lucas stops kissing me long enough to bite at one nipple while he plays with the other. Each time his teeth sink into me, he elicits a whimper from me that I know turns both of them on. I know his little nips won’t bruise, but part of me desperately wants them to.

Lucas knows I’m going to cum soon, and I’m sure Nick does, too. Lucas grips my thigh and pulls my legs open wider to give Nick full access to me. He wraps his leg around mine so I can’t close my legs at all. His arm crosses my body and grips my wrist, my upper body pinned by his arm. And then he kisses me. He kisses me over and over again, my whole body shuddering, pressing against him, bucking against Nick. My moans are lost into Lucas’ mouth as my orgasm overtakes me. My hips thrust, my pussy clenches, my eyes roll back, and I am lost in the sensations of two men I love bringing me to the heights of ecstasy.

Click the logo to find other blogs with the theme of Relaxed for June!

Love Freely

On Tuesday, I answered the TMI Tuesday questions, as I do (mostly) every week they’re posted. For some reason, I had a lot to say this week. So much, in fact, that I’m making a SECOND post. So here we go… The question was a simple one. Favorite quote. I realized that I didn’t have a favorite quote. Though, if I’m being honest, I have trouble choosing a favorite anything. I can’t give you a favorite song, but can I share a playlist? I might be able to give you a favorite book, maybe, but… ahh… yes, I can give you one, but there are SO many others that come close. I can’t give you a favorite movie. How about a marathon?

Listen, I’ve already acknowledged (at least to myself) that I like WAY TOO MANY THINGS.

I’m bisexual (though…that might need some exploration).

I’m polyamorous.

I’m a switch.

If you google those three keywords, you get the addendum of “I’m not indecisive, I’m just greedy.” Well then. There was an alternate, “I’m not greedy, I know what I want.” ~Brenda Howard.” I like that better. I’m not greedy. I know how to share. I just like it all.

This is a problem in my writing. I don’t want to write a novel that’s FemDom or MaleDom. I want one of each. Some of both. Switch it up. Why not? And there have to be readers who want that, too! So that’s what I write the majority of the time.


I got off track. Whoops.

The quote from Tuesday that I chose (ha) was, “I choose you. And I’ll choose you, over and over and over. Without pause, without a doubt, in a heartbeat. I’ll keep choosing you.

Here’s the thing about being poly. There are so many things that assume a couple is just a couple and can’t be more. Greeting cards, marriage ceremonies (you better believe I wrote my own), quotes, romantic comedies, even romance novels, and so on. And most them presume that there’s one person and often this idea of a soul mate. Listen, I love a good romance novel. I love a good romantic comedy. But in my real life, I don’t believe any of that bull shit. I have found (currently) FOUR amazing people who I love deeply. FOUR! And they love me back! (How the hell could I be this lucky? I don’t know. It’s unfair.)

But here’s the thing that makes me angry about those greeting cards and quotes that assume there’s ONE person for everyone. (And this isn’t about being poly, because this applies to *everyone*.) If, god forbid, something happens to me, I want all four of my partners to move on with their lives and be happy. Date someone else (most of them already are), get married (in the case of the person I’m married to), have kids (if that makes you happy, most of them are beyond wanting them), DO WHATEVER IT IS THAT MAKES YOU HAPPY WHEN IT COMES TO RELATIONSHIPS! I don’t want any of them to sit around missing me! In the words of Tony Stark, “Don’t feel bad about this. I mean, if you grovel for a couple of weeks, and then move on with enormous guilt.” It was kind of a tongue-in-cheek line, in my opinion, but I would hope that they would move on should something happen to me. (And let’s face it, in this world, the odds are increasingly likely we aren’t all going to make it.)

Ah shit, I wanted this to be an escape from reality, but here we are. Sigh. I tried.

So my point is that I hope none of you buy into the BS about one right person, even if you are monogamous (which is totally cool). Be open to love. There’s not enough love in the world.

Ah shit. (Hey, I just said that.) I know my favorite quote now. My mom always says:

Love freely, because there isn’t enough love in this world.

She’s been saying that for decades. And it’s even more fucking true now than it was then. Go out (not literally, fucking pandemic) and spread some love today.

Thinky Thoughts

I’ve been thinking a lot about my blog. I’ve been thinking about what I want this space to be. Short stories are not my forte. I tend to get too wordy, too long winded. I am in the process of writing a novel that I lovingly termed, “Oops, I wrote a novel,” because there was a short story prompt in March and I just…went with it. I had hoped to finish it before the end of March, but…life.

Anyway, it’s a project I haven’t given up on and I hope to be able to work on that soon. So whenever I am in a position to say, hey, let’s make a goal, make a change (I hate change), I give it a lot of thought. What is it about this blog that keeps my readers interested? And in turn,

What keeps me interested in reading other people’s blogs?

Well, for me, I like reality. I like people who are being real and honest. They admit when they have a bad day. They celebrate the good days. I don’t care so much about a specific niche (*coughgrowingupwallscough*), but I do care that the author/blogger is real. Continuing stories are awesome, like the one from Clare Dugmore I read for A to Z. But I do worry that if I go on too long, some people may not start because they’d have to start at the beginning. (And sometimes I do go on too long… Hello Romance novel that’s 120,000 words. The average for romance is usually about half that.) It’s a lot to take in.

Anyhoo… I’m going to try to be more real. I have my identity to protect, so there are a lot of things in my life I can’t talk about. But I will try to be more real. And feel free to drop me a comment about what you want me to talk about here. I can stick to fiction, but you tell me!

I’m Back!

So, I haven’t written in…a while. I’m sorry for that. Both for not writing fiction and not writing blogs. The world is burning, literally and figuratively, and that’s been weighing on me heavily. It also weighs on me that I don’t say much about it here. This space has always been exclusively dedicated to writing. I’ve very rarely posted anything political or even remotely close to political. On my personal pages, I’m very political. So, if you’re reading this and wondering why I haven’t commented much on the state of the world, that’s why. This is my escape from reality, and I hope it can be yours a little bit, too. But rest assured that in my real life, I’m fighting the good fight to make sure we can maybe, hopefully someday have a world a little closer to my fictional one with *actual* equality.

That said… I want to dive back into the world of fiction. Let’s escape for just a little bit.

I have been working on 1,000,000 words in 2020. I’m behind. Woefully behind. I figured out that if I write 10,000 a day for the month of June, I’ll be caught up. That’s a tall order, and even though I can bang that out in a few hours if I’m focused, I can’t imagine that I can keep that focus for 30 days. But I’m going to give it a shot. At the very least, I would like to write the 80,000 for June that would have gotten me to 1,000,000 over 12 months.

But that brings me to a thought I’ve had circulating in my mind for a while I wanted to share. Especially right now, things are overwhelming. In my self-imposed writing challenge, 10,000 words a day is overwhelming. It’s easy to say, “Well, I can’t do that, so I won’t write at all.” But… wouldn’t it be better to write 1,000 words than 0 words? Wouldn’t it be better to write 5 words? Of course it would! You wouldn’t tell your favorite writer to quit because the challenge was too great. So you shouldn’t tell yourself to quit either. (Or in this case, myself.)

So whatever challenge you’re facing, see if you can do ONE THING toward your goal. Maybe that’s write 100 words. Maybe that’s get out of bed instead of sleep in. Maybe that’s brush your teeth when you’re too overwhelmed to take a shower. Put one foot in front of the other, take it one moment at a time if you have to, but don’t give up.

What struggles are you facing? Feel free to vent in the comments, even if (especially if) you know that your struggles aren’t as bad as other people’s. It’s not a competition. ❤

Reflections on #AtoZChallenge

You would think as organizer for the A to Z Blog Challenge, I would have been prepared for the Reflections Post. The truth is, I almost missed it. I can’t write it until the challenge is at least almost over. Let’s face it, when I wrote Exploration in January, the world was a completely different place. Even when I got these posts pre-scheduled in March and early April, the world was different.

So, I waited to write this. And now the time has come, and I should have posted it hours ago, but…I didn’t. And that’s okay. I know that. Hey, I finished the challenge this year, which didn’t happen my first year.

I have loved seeing comments from new readers and previous readers. I am excited that so many people have downloaded the book, too! I said that you could get it for any price in April, but I’m going to continue that low price for the month of May. I hope many people will come back and see this, and will want to see the whole world. It was serendipitous that I wrote about a world without disease, without inequality, without prejudice. It has been a great escape in the reality of today. But even then, sometimes I find that I can’t escape to it. Reality is too crushing. Anyway.

I hope that you are all staying safe and healthy (goodness I’m sick of hear/saying that), and that you are able to find an escape that works for you. If reading helps, read my blog, read my novels (and give me reviews!). If it doesn’t work for you, well, my books will be here. This isn’t the Neverending Story. They won’t change.

Lots of love to my readers on this journey, and I can’t wait to get out there and read more of your blogs in the coming weeks.

Liebster Award!

This is my first Liebster Award so thank you Anonymously Hal!!! I love reading your blog. Make sure you all go check it out!


1. Thank the blogger(s) who nominated you.
2. Share 11 facts about yourself.
3. Answer the 11 questions the blogger(s) asked you.
4. Nominate 11 bloggers and make them happy!
5. Make up to 11 questions and ask them to your nominees.
6. Notify your 11 nominees.

11 facts about me

  1. I’m polyamorous, and have been for more than a decade.
  2. I was poly before I knew what “poly” was.
  3. I was bisexual even before that.
  4. I’ve been writing erotic fiction since I was “too young” to write erotic fiction.
  5. I started out as a switch, then I was a sub, and now I’m a switch again.
  6. My favorite color is blue.
  7. I’m short.
  8. I work way better with a deadline.
  9. I am about 99% extrovert.
  10. Writing is my most favorite passion.
  11. The only thing I do entirely for myself is write.

11 Questions from Anonymously Hal:

  1. What is your favorite food? Pizza! Greasy and meaty!
  2. What country are you from? The USA, I’m kind of ashamed to say. Not super proud of my country lately.
  3. What’s your favorite movies? Romantic Comedies are my favorite. Guaranteed Happy Endings. Serendipity might be my favorite.
  4. If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be? I would be healthier.
  5. What is your profession? I’m a writer! Actually, I have a day job, but that’s not as exciting.
  6. Biggest regret in life? I don’t really do regrets because everything that’s happened to me has shaped who I am. But, if there were one: I would have come to the realization that the most important thing in life are people and relationships and left some of that emotional baggage further in the past.
  7. Favorite word? Fuck.
  8. Why do you follow my blog? Your quick poems often cut right to the core. I love how deep they can be!
  9. Whose your role model? My mom. Stubborn, but determined. Always.
  10. If you were an ice cream flavor what would you be? Vanilla Bean. I know, boring, but classic. And sometimes, it has just a hint of something extra special.
  11. Do you believe in an afterlife? I do. I’d like to believe it’s like The Good Place.

My nominees are: Growing Up Walls, Uniquely Maladjusted But Fun, Marquessa Matthews, What Sandra Thinks, Writing is Communication, Buttontapper, Meg Sorick

My 11 questions for my nominees:

  1. What is your favorite color?
  2. What is one food you can’t live without?
  3. Would you rather have someone cook or clean for you?
  4. What is your favorite thing about blogging?
  5. What is one song you could listen to on repeat for a week?
  6. What is one movie you have watched over and over again?
  7. What is your favorite cartoon?
  8. What is one story you tell everyone you meet?
  9. What is one thing you look for when picking a novel to read?
  10. What came first, the chicken or the egg?
  11. What is your favorite vacation destination?

1,000,000 words

So I’m now 36,795 words behind. I had a thought yesterday that maybe I could catch up this weekend! If I can write 50,000 in 24 hours, then surely I can write 40,000(ish) in a weekend?!

But yesterday, I only wrote 900 words, and today I haven’t written any and it’s almost noon. But maybe I can devote my afternoon to it. And tomorrow, I’ll have some dedicated early morning time.

So… wish me luck, or something? I am so close to finishing Book 2 in my new series, parts of which will be debuting with the A to Z Challenge starting April 1st right here on my blog!

Time and Love

Lately, I have been obsessed with the song If We Were Vampires by Jason Isbell covered by Chester See. This might be the saddest song I have ever heard. And those of you who know me, know that I don’t do SAD. Real life is serious and sad. So when I consume media (movies, books, television, music) I want it to be happy. I think I’ve only ever written one novel with a sad ending and it was a choose your own adventure ending. (Seriously, if you choose not to save the lost puppy, you deserve a sad ending.)

So the fact that this song has been on repeat for me for weeks is remarkable. So what makes it so poignant? Mortality has been on my mind a lot. With the sudden death of a family member almost a year ago, I have definitely focused a lot more on valuing the time I have, and spending it on what really matters. Friends. Family. Relationships. Experiences.

Those dishes can wait another day. That expensive piece of furniture can wait in favor of a trip with my husband.

This has dovetailed nicely with the TV show The Good Place which wrapped up recently. Without spoiling it, I will say that it forces the viewer to take a long hard look at their lives in a similar way to If We Were Vampires. If you haven’t watched it, I highly recommend it, and the podcast: The Good Place The Podcast. And as Marc Evan Jackson ends his podcasts, comment below with something good in the world. And then, go do something good.

Writing Update! #1000000Words

We are 18 days into the new year. My goal for words is 49,193 words. My current count is 45,963. So, not too far off! I was super proud of myself that I stayed above my goal for a solid two weeks! On the 16th, I finally slipped below. Ah well. I knew it wouldn’t last forever. But I’ve spent a lot of time with friends and family, gaming and socializing. That’s important, too. So, I’ll just have to learn to live with being behind. And, I’ll work on catching up!

So far today, I’ve written 1710 words, and I am sitting on my grandfather’s old recliner (seriously, this thing is far older than I am), with my brand new electric blanket, snow falling. It’s a nostalgic place to write from, and hopefully it will prove to be productive, too. Write on!Snow covered tree

New Year! #1,000,000Words

We are now 3 days into 2020 and I am super psyched about my writing!

I used Rebekah Loper’s book The A-Zs of Worldbuilding to build a world! And now I’m writing in it! I definitely see series potential from this world, too. I’ve never gone this far away from reality before, and I am super excited to see where it leads. I’m also working on my A to Z Blog Challenge for 2020. I’m sure we’ll start hearing about that in the coming months.

Current stats: I have written 15,308 words so far (and I haven’t written today yet)! Even if I don’t write today, that puts me 7110 words ahead of where I need to be.

I also hope to have an announcement in the coming weeks about a new published novel! So things are exciting here on the writing front!

I hope everyone had an enjoyable holiday season, and that your January isn’t too dreary.

What am I leaving behind in 2019?

Marquessa Matthews over at wrote a great blog post asking what ONE THING will you leave behind in 2019?

I noticed that a lot of people around me had a pretty terrible year. I won’t say that my 2019 was all good, but the good definitely outweighed the bad. I’m excited to step into 2020, but there are a lot of things I am taking forward with me from 2019.

But when I turn that on its head and ask myself what I want to leave behind, the answer is clear to me: I want to leave behind my determination to be perfect.

No one is perfect. My favorite writers have typos in their work, even with professional editors. As I re-read some of my favorite novels, I notice inconsistencies in small details. And it doesn’t make me love the novel or the author any less. If anything, it makes me love them more to see that they are human just like me.

So, in 2020, I hope to be less perfect, and publish more. And definitely write more, since my goal is 1,000,000 words in 2020! (Does anyone want to join me on that? My friend Nicki is. In fact, it was her idea. And I am so excited!)

No matter how good (or bad) your 2019 was, here’s hoping 2020 is even better!