The Insecure Writer’s Support Group #IWSG

The Insecure Writer's Support Group

We’re back for a second month of The Insecure Writer’s Support Group! We’re mostly even on time for this one!

If you’d like to chime in and let us know your answers to the questions or drop a link to your post if you’re participating, please do so in the comments! And check out the IWSG website for more answers!


May 5 – Have any of your readers ever responded to your writing in a way that you didn’t expect? If so, did it surprise you?

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Sexual Assault and BDSM

Hello dear readers!

Richard and I are going to bring you something TOTALLY DIFFERENT this Sunday. If you scroll back through our blog posts, almost all of our posts fall into one of two categories: BDSM Smut (or leading that direction) and answering questions like TMI Tuesday posts. This one is going to fall into neither of those categories.

April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month.

Let me share with you some stats:

  • Approximately 1 in 5 (21.3% or an estimated 25.5 million) women in the U.S. reported completed or attempted rape at some point in their lifetime, including completed forced penetration, attempted forced penetration, or alcohol/drug facilitated completed penetration. About 2.6% of U.S. men (an estimated 2.8 million) experienced completed or attempted rape victimization in their lifetime.
  • About 1 in 14 men (7.1% or nearly 7.9 million) in the U.S. was made to penetrate someone else (attempted or completed) at some point in their lifetime.
  • Approximately 1 in 6 women (16.1% or an estimated 19.2 million women) and approximately 1 in 10 men (9.6% or an estimated 10.6 million men) experienced sexual coercion (e.g., being worn down by someone who repeatedly asked for sex, sexual pressure due to someone using their influence or authority) at some point in their lifetime.
  • Source: https://www.nsvrc.org/statistics

It’s always shocking to me how many people experience sexual assault. I did when I was ~13 and I didn’t tell anyone until years and years later because… I don’t know. I thought I was alone, I didn’t know that anyone would care, I figured it was my fault for letting things go too far in the first place. I’ve long since dealt with how that experience shaped me and made me feel, but it’s something that’s important to me that young people need to know that they aren’t alone and that there are safe places to go and people to tell. (And for the record, I am 100% sure my parents would have believed me and supported me had I told them.)

So besides the obvious fact that it’s Sexual Assault Awareness Month, why are we bringing this up? 

Ironically, one of my absolute favorite kinks is CNC (consensual non-consent). Richard can (and has) slammed me up against a wall as soon as I walked in the door, woken me to have sex with me (by which I mean, I woke up with him touching me or grabbing me), put me in ridiculously high heels and chased me around the apartment, and countless other scenes. Even writing out the list gets me all hot and bothered. But all of those were AFTER we had a lengthy conversation about limits, desires, and safe words. He was especially wary of waking me with sex since I wasn’t awake to give consent before he started.

We wanted to take this opportunity to remind everyone that kink/BDSM and rape are NOT the same thing. Even when we’re writing and sharing CNC stories that may or may not get you all hot and bothered. I suspect next month one or both of us will debut a CNC story we’ve been working on for a while, with appropriate content warnings. 

So here are a few reminders:

  • Believe victims of sexual assault
  • BDSM requires sane consent
  • Always respect safe words
  • Put content warnings on your erotica

Resources:

We hope that you enjoy our totally consensual BDSM stories and that you can enjoy a bit of escape from reality with them. I’m back tomorrow with V is for Vacation (not to be confused with our actual Vacation story we started back in February!)

– Jayden (and Richard)

Happy Sunday!

Well, it’s the first Sunday in April which means NO A to Z Post! Did you think we would break our posting streak though? OF COURSE NOT! We’ve posted every day in March, and every day in April (so far), so we wanted to bring you a special treat today.

A to Z Challenge

The A to Z Challenge is off to a great start! If you aren’t participating and you want to, there’s still time to sign up on the website and join in the fun. If you’re here because of the A to Z Challenge, please leave a comment and let us know! Richard and I have made a bet for this A to Z Challenge, so remember to like and comment on our posts. The most comments and likes wins! A $50 book store shopping spree is at stake, so please like my posts (says Jayden!). I’m winning right now, but…Richard hasn’t posted yet. He’ll be taking over starting tomorrow through the end of the week, so show him some love, too!

If you stumbled on our little blog and have no idea what we’re talking about, start here.

Some fun news!

We went on a podcast! We decided that we wanted to get an outside perspective on the start of our relationship, so we called in to The Viall Files and got to talk to Nick! It was a fun experience to be on a podcast and to get some relationship advice, and we thought we would share it with you. Also, if you need relationship advice, Nick’s great. As it turns out, Richard said basically all the same things that Nick did, but it was still good to get an outside perspective.

Take a listen to the Podcast if you want and let us know what you think. We’re the first ones on!

Also, crazy idea, we’re going to start a new column every week in May called “Dear Jayden and Richard,” where we answer your questions about (mostly) non-traditional relationships. Ask us your questions in the comments or email us at jrvincente@gmail.com.

We’ll see you tomorrow with D is for Dungeon Mistress!

Richard is taking back over for the A to Z Challenge. He’ll also be writing about Lashes BDSM Casino Resort, but it might not be quite the same as my version. He’ll be posting one continuous story starting tomorrow, but if you didn’t read A, B, and C, you won’t be behind (though I recommend going back and reading them anyway!). It’s sure to be a good time!

31 Questions: Day 31

Marquessa Matthews challenged herself and other bloggers to answer 31 questions during the month of March. You should check out hers and comment below with a link if you’re playing along!


31 Questions
March 2021

March 31 – What are you most grateful for, right now, in this moment?

Jayden: Safety. I feel safe and loved and happy, and that’s a feeling I haven’t felt for a while.

Richard: I just had a wonderful piece of home made bread as a snack. I’m very grateful for it. It’s really not a big deal, and I’m sure it won’t be my number one in five minutes, but sometimes it’s nice to just appreciate the little things in the moment.

AND you!

Without you, our readers, what would our blog be besides talking to ourselves? We appreciate your views, likes, and comments. We love reading and responding to your messages. We’re super excited to take on the A to Z Blog Challenge, “meet” new bloggers, and most importantly, develop our blogging community even further. Feel free to drop us a line in the comments here or via email at jrvincente@gmail.com. We’d love to have your feedback!

– Jayden and Richard

31 Questions: Day 30

Marquessa Matthews challenged herself and other bloggers to answer 31 questions during the month of March. You should check out hers and comment below with a link if you’re playing along!


31 Questions
March 2021

March 30 – What’s your most urgent priority for the rest of the year?

Jayden: Happiness. Finding a new balance for myself. There have been a lot of major changes in my life recently, and balance is going to be an important part of the rest of my year.

Richard:  Getting into grad school. I need it for work, and I’m going for an MFA in Creative Writing, so I’m excited to improve my craft.

UPDATE: I got in! Still going to leave this up, since doing well in school is still going to be a major priority for me.

31 Questions: Day 29

Marquessa Matthews challenged herself and other bloggers to answer 31 questions during the month of March. You should check out hers and comment below with a link if you’re playing along!


31 Questions
March 2021

March 29 – What’s the most out-of-character choice you’ve ever made?

Jayden: Leaving my marriage of over a decade. Everyone who isn’t super close to me was very shocked. A few people who are close to me were shocked. But, in the end, it was a well thought out decision that was the best thing for myself, and I needed to make myself a priority. That right there was the thing that made it out-of-character. I always put everyone else before myself–their needs, their wants before my own. And for the first time in my life, I realized that I wasn’t happy and that I deserved to be happy.

Richard:  Ever? I don’t know, that’s a lot of decisions. In the last year or so? The way Jayden’s and my relationship began was very unusual for me, and I usually wait more than three months before I move a new partner in.

31 Questions: Day 28

Marquessa Matthews challenged herself and other bloggers to answer 31 questions during the month of March. You should check out hers and comment below with a link if you’re playing along!


31 Questions
March 2021

March 28 – Do you have a morning ritual?

Jayden: I do! I mean, ritual in the sense of I do the same thing every morning anyway. It’s mostly a taking meds, shower, brushing teeth, type of routine. I don’t know that it goes beyond that.

Richard:  Not really. I try to get up and going pretty quickly. With Covid and work from home, I usually just hop out of bed and wash up, then sign in for work. I do like to wait an hour or so from getting up before I have breakfast.

31 Questions: Day 27

Marquessa Matthews challenged herself and other bloggers to answer 31 questions during the month of March. You should check out hers and comment below with a link if you’re playing along!


31 Questions
March 2021

March 27 – Would you rather have a live-in massage therapist, or a live-in chef?

Jayden: A live-in chef. I can’t cook well. I mean, I wouldn’t starve on my own, but I would eat the same 5-6 meals all the time.

Richard:  Massage therapist. I can cook my own food, but I can’t rub my own back. Plus, a decent massage is more expensive than a decent

31 Questions: Day 26

Marquessa Matthews challenged herself and other bloggers to answer 31 questions during the month of March. You should check out hers and comment below with a link if you’re playing along!


31 Questions
March 2021

March 26 – Would you consider yourself an introvert, extrovert, or ambivert?

Jayden:  I am an extreme extrovert. I pretty much never want to be alone. Maybe once or twice a year.

Richard: Extrovert, but not nearly as much as Jayden. I generally prefer to be around people, and am energized by it, but I’m happy to have some me time all by myself a couple times a month.

31 Questions: Day 25

Marquessa Matthews challenged herself and other bloggers to answer 31 questions during the month of March. You should check out hers and comment below with a link if you’re playing along!


31 Questions
March 2021

March 25 – Where & when do you get your best ideas?

Jayden: When I’m mostly asleep in bed and either trying to fall back to sleep or trying to fall asleep.

Richard: Walking outside. The more I’m moving and in nature, the better they get.

31 Questions: Day 24

Marquessa Matthews challenged herself and other bloggers to answer 31 questions during the month of March. You should check out hers and comment below with a link if you’re playing along!


31 Questions
March 2021

March 24 – When you see peers / competitors getting things you want, how do you react?

Jayden: I’m pretty good at compersion, but sometimes I get a little jealous, which fuels me to work harder.

Richard:  I think more annoyed than jealous? I generally try to avoid competing with people, outside of games, sports, etc. It’s usually not productive for anyone.

31 Questions: Day 23

Marquessa Matthews challenged herself and other bloggers to answer 31 questions during the month of March. You should check out hers and comment below with a link if you’re playing along!


31 Questions
March 2021

March 23 – What’s your recipe for recuperating from extreme heartbreak?

Jayden: Time, mostly. But in the interim: baked goods (cake, cookies, etc.), ice cream, mac & cheese,… so–carbs.

Richard: Usually I pick a video game, book series, etc. that I’ve been putting off since I know it’ll be a total time sink, and dive into it.

31 Questions: Day 22

Marquessa Matthews challenged herself and other bloggers to answer 31 questions during the month of March. You should check out hers and comment below with a link if you’re playing along!


31 Questions
March 2021

March 22 – What’s your personal anthem or theme song?

Jayden: It changes at least 2-3 times a year, but currently: If Our Love Is Wrong by Calum Scott.

Richard: I’m going to go with the Space Jam theme. Especially when you mash it up with something else. This one just popped up in my Youtube recommends. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Vyrlj_WmkA Bonus points for having Megalovania in there, which is one of my favorite writing jams.

31 Questions: Day 21

Marquessa Matthews challenged herself and other bloggers to answer 31 questions during the month of March. You should check out hers and comment below with a link if you’re playing along!


31 Questions
March 2021

March 21 – What’s something you’ve tried, that you’ll never, ever try again?

Jayden: Oh there have to be things… kinky things even.

Richard: Scalloped potatoes. What a waste of good spuds.

Jayden: Okay so, Richard called me out that this was a cop out of an answer. So… I guess I’ll add onto it. I like to try new things, especially kinky things. I’m trying to remember one that I disliked enough to never, ever do again. There are plenty of things that I don’t love but will do for the right Dom. There are a few things I won’t even try (hello, hard limits!) but it’s pretty rare that I’ll try something and dislike it *that* strongly. So, I guess I have to get away from kink…

I have a food I’ll never try again. Anything rice paper wrapped. It literally makes me gag.

Also, scalloped potatoes are delicious, and apparently I have to cook them for Richard so he can see that. (I legitimately think he’d like them if they were made well.)

31 Questions: Day 20

Marquessa Matthews challenged herself and other bloggers to answer 31 questions during the month of March. You should check out hers and comment below with a link if you’re playing along!


31 Questions
March 2021

March 20 – What’s one mistake you keep repeating (and repeating)?

Jayden: Arguing with a friend. Trying to get them to see things the way they are instead of the way they perceive them to be. It’s like beating my head against a brick wall.

Richard: Eating too late before going to bed. I always feel like garbage.

Jayden: I guess we’ll just have to get you some more pre-sleep exercise, Richard. 😉 It would probably be in bed though.

31 Questions: Day 19

Marquessa Matthews challenged herself and other bloggers to answer 31 questions during the month of March. You should check out hers and comment below with a link if you’re playing along!


31 Questions
March 2021

March 19 – What’s in your fridge, right this moment?

Jayden: A lot of things. But one that’s coming to mind is bread pudding! I love bread pudding.

Richard: For the record, that bread pudding isn’t there anymore. We’re filling these out ahead of time. There’s probably milk in there, we’re pretty good about keeping that. Also, eggs. I accidentally bought like 3 dozen, and we don’t go through them that quickly.

31 Questions: Day 18

Marquessa Matthews challenged herself and other bloggers to answer 31 questions during the month of March. You should check out hers and comment below with a link if you’re playing along!


31 Questions
March 2021

March 18 – What do you value most: free time, recognition, or money?

Jayden: Free time. I’ve had a lot of times in my life where I was on the go around the clock. It’s very nice to feel productive, but I also value time to relax and do the things I want to do instead of the things I have to do.

Richard: Free time. There was a brief period where I was working 60+ hour weeks. I literally did not have time to spend the money I was making with overtime, and I was miserable. Free time is the hardest to come by, but you can use it to get recognition or money if you want it.

31 Questions: Day 17

Marquessa Matthews challenged herself and other bloggers to answer 31 questions during the month of March. You should check out hers and comment below with a link if you’re playing along!


31 Questions
March 2021

March 17 – What are you an expert on? Is it because of training, lived experience, or both?

Jayden: Spreadsheets! Okay, maybe not. I’m really good at them. But I do think I’m an expert at my day job, which I don’t really talk about on here.

Richard: Sourdough! Hint: Use the discard for pancakes with jelly or honey.

Jayden: I can totally vouch for Richard’s Sourdough. Oh my goodness, it’s amazing. I didn’t even particularly like sourdough before I met Richard, and now I lament any time we don’t have it in the house!

31 Questions: Day 16

Marquessa Matthews challenged herself and other bloggers to answer 31 questions during the month of March. You should check out hers and comment below with a link if you’re playing along!


31 Questions
March 2021

March 16 – If you could sit down with your 15-year old self, what would you tell him or her?

Jayden: That it’s going to work out okay. No matter what, hang in there, because it will all work out okay.

Richard: That our life is going to be really weird, but mostly in ways that he’ll think is awesome. If possible, I’d have a slideshow of strange things we did, said, etc. with minimal context.

31 Questions: Day 15

Marquessa Matthews challenged herself and other bloggers to answer 31 questions during the month of March. You should check out hers and comment below with a link if you’re playing along!


31 Questions
March 2021

March 15 – If you could choose your own life obstacles, would you keep the ones you have?

Jayden: : I don’t know. I’m not sure that’s a choice I would want to make. As a submissive, I often dislike making choices, and choosing my own life obstacles seems like a difficult path.

Richard: No, I’m sure I could min-max some optimal obstacles that were minimally inconvenient, if not advantageous somehow.