R is for Room Service

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Making sure you make the right reservation is critical during your time as Lashes. How can the staff give you what you want if you don’t ask for it?


R is for Room Service

by Richard

By far the weirdest, in terms of customer complaints and compliments, is working room service. Sometimes, you get ones like this:

GUEST COMPLIMENT FORM: Hot fudge was heated to perfection. Delivered promptly. I could not be happier with Michael’s performance. Had a delicious snack off of my sub’s balls until he ruined it by cumming. His fault, not yours, five out of five stars for the hotel, fifty out of fifty spanks for my pet.

But then you also get ones like this:

GUEST COMPLAINT: Not at all happy with our recent room service request. We ordered a pizza with extra sausage. Some moron actually took the time to bake the fucking pizza. I appreciate the prop, but do you know how hard it is to keep it up for twenty minutes when you’ve been married to the same woman for fifteen years? Wife answered the door in nothing but a sheer teddy, and he just handed her the pizza. I wound up chasing him down the hall halfway to the elevators (I had to put on pants first), and he just kept saying, “room service means room service,” and if I wanted someone to fuck my wife, I had to ask for that. Then he pointed to his vest and said that if I was looking for that kind of staff, they’d have a red letter A on their uniforms. What the hell kind of bullshit is that? It’s a fucking kink resort; I’m here to watch my wife rail as many men as possible, not have an English class scavenger hunt. We wound up just going to see the couple next door, they took care of her. Maybe you should hire them instead of the morons you have now.


There are a lot of rules about actually having sex with the guests. Most of the resort is off-limits. Obviously, there are specific rooms for demos and where you can book time with the staff, but only about a quarter of the actual guest rooms are designated “playrooms.”

The majority of the staff isn’t allowed to actually sleep with guests under any circumstances. We have a fair number of explicitly hired escorts who do most of it. Otherwise, nothing would get done if all the maids, bell boys, etc., had to stop their real work to get screwed every ten minutes.

I will let you in on a little secret, though (it’s not that secret, we tell any guest who asks about fucking staff) anyone who is allowed to have sex with you has a little red A on their uniform somewhere, usually on or near their name tag. Specific sections of the hotel have “Scarlet Letter Shifts” where most or all of the staff are available, but you have to pay extra and specifically request them.


Ring back tomorrow for T is for Telephone! Call the front desk if you want a wake up call when it’s posted. -Richard

Oops, I meant S is for Silent!

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