Sexual Assault and BDSM

Hello dear readers!

Richard and I are going to bring you something TOTALLY DIFFERENT this Sunday. If you scroll back through our blog posts, almost all of our posts fall into one of two categories: BDSM Smut (or leading that direction) and answering questions like TMI Tuesday posts. This one is going to fall into neither of those categories.

April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month.

Let me share with you some stats:

  • Approximately 1 in 5 (21.3% or an estimated 25.5 million) women in the U.S. reported completed or attempted rape at some point in their lifetime, including completed forced penetration, attempted forced penetration, or alcohol/drug facilitated completed penetration. About 2.6% of U.S. men (an estimated 2.8 million) experienced completed or attempted rape victimization in their lifetime.
  • About 1 in 14 men (7.1% or nearly 7.9 million) in the U.S. was made to penetrate someone else (attempted or completed) at some point in their lifetime.
  • Approximately 1 in 6 women (16.1% or an estimated 19.2 million women) and approximately 1 in 10 men (9.6% or an estimated 10.6 million men) experienced sexual coercion (e.g., being worn down by someone who repeatedly asked for sex, sexual pressure due to someone using their influence or authority) at some point in their lifetime.
  • Source: https://www.nsvrc.org/statistics

It’s always shocking to me how many people experience sexual assault. I did when I was ~13 and I didn’t tell anyone until years and years later because… I don’t know. I thought I was alone, I didn’t know that anyone would care, I figured it was my fault for letting things go too far in the first place. I’ve long since dealt with how that experience shaped me and made me feel, but it’s something that’s important to me that young people need to know that they aren’t alone and that there are safe places to go and people to tell. (And for the record, I am 100% sure my parents would have believed me and supported me had I told them.)

So besides the obvious fact that it’s Sexual Assault Awareness Month, why are we bringing this up? 

Ironically, one of my absolute favorite kinks is CNC (consensual non-consent). Richard can (and has) slammed me up against a wall as soon as I walked in the door, woken me to have sex with me (by which I mean, I woke up with him touching me or grabbing me), put me in ridiculously high heels and chased me around the apartment, and countless other scenes. Even writing out the list gets me all hot and bothered. But all of those were AFTER we had a lengthy conversation about limits, desires, and safe words. He was especially wary of waking me with sex since I wasn’t awake to give consent before he started.

We wanted to take this opportunity to remind everyone that kink/BDSM and rape are NOT the same thing. Even when we’re writing and sharing CNC stories that may or may not get you all hot and bothered. I suspect next month one or both of us will debut a CNC story we’ve been working on for a while, with appropriate content warnings. 

So here are a few reminders:

  • Believe victims of sexual assault
  • BDSM requires sane consent
  • Always respect safe words
  • Put content warnings on your erotica

Resources:

We hope that you enjoy our totally consensual BDSM stories and that you can enjoy a bit of escape from reality with them. I’m back tomorrow with V is for Vacation (not to be confused with our actual Vacation story we started back in February!)

– Jayden (and Richard)

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