What advice would you give to someone who has never had sex before?
Jayden: I spent a lot of time too shy or scared to tell my partners if I liked (or didn’t like) something. Sure, I used my safe word a handful of times over the years, but it had to be *really* bad for me to do that. I would rather please my partner than tell them I was uncomfortable.
And the thing is, I’m not talking about being emotionally uncomfortable. That’s different. I’m talking about doing things in the bedroom that are mildly uncomfortable, too many fingers, too rough, etc. Sometimes I really like those things, and other times I don’t. Even just saying, “Hey, I really need two fingers inside me to be able to cum when you’re going down on me.” For whatever reason, I have always had trouble saying things like that.
And listen: every partner is different. Every partner likes things done a different way. And that’s okay.
I asked my friend once about fingers inside her when a guy is going down on her, and she said she hates it. I love it. Neither is right or wrong, just different. Both are good. But both need to be communicated to your partner. It’s great to pay attention to your partner’s reactions and see what they respond to, but it’s not foolproof, and especially when it’s a new relationship, it’s better to communicate those types of things to your partner. I promise, it’ll be a better experience.
On the flip side!
If a partner gives you advice on what they like, don’t take it personally. I know that that was a tricky thing for me once or twice, when someone said something like, “I really like the thing you did with your hand,” or “I like the way you use your tongue better.” It’s not a personal slight. It’s just telling you the way they like things done. Since everyone is different, you need that advice. Take it, learn from it, and have pleasurable sex for BOTH partners.
Richard: You should try it, it’s pretty cool.
Just check in with your partner and see what they’re into. I dunno, basically Jayden’s answer.