We’re continuing answering the questions from our list. Check last week’s if you missed them!
Has your submission evolved over time? If so, how has it evolved for you and if not (or if you are just starting out) how might you see or imagine it evolving in the future?
Richard: I don’t think it’s evolved in any particular way. I’ve gotten more comfortable with it, and hope to continue to do so in the future.
Jayden: My submission has definitely changed over time. When I first started playing with submission, I was mostly a switch who liked being told what to do. I still like being told what to do, but I also know better what I like and don’t like. But even that changes. Richard teases me frequently that he doesn’t know what to believe when I say things like, “I don’t like sensation play,” because apparently I do like it, I just didn’t know that before. As for it evolving, Richard and I have been together for about 8 months and my likes have changed, my horizons have been expanded. I’m sure there’s a limit to that, but it’s hard for me to imagine my submission being the same six months from now, I just have no idea what it will look like.
Has your submission increased or decreased over time? Have you ever had to renegotiate your submission due to a change in your feelings or circumstance?
Richard: I’d say about the same. I was always more Dom than sub, and I don’t think the particular ratio has changed a lot. Because I don’t sub often or in sustained/out of scene contexts, I don’t have to do a lot of renegotiating.
Jayden: Increased, definitely. My relationship with Richard has blown it out of the water. We aren’t quite 24/7, but… it’s not that far off at this point. I’m much more comfortable with myself as a submissive than I used to be. It’s freeing to feel and express.
Have you found your submission has changed with different partners/relationships? If you’re involved with partners of both sexes, does your submission relate or change based on gender or does it depend on the person?
Richard: I think all sexuality changes from partner to partner. Different Doms like different things, and I generally let them direct the play when I do switch. I think generally women I’ve subbed for have been more masochistic than the men, but I don’t think that I have a big enough sample size to say that’s a preference vs coincidence.
Jayden: I haven’t had any Dommes at this point, so gender hasn’t played a role at all. But yes, my submission has changed with my partners. I need a strong Dom who can handle pushing me for me to reach my full submissive potential.
Has your dominance evolved over time? If so, how has it evolved for you and if not (or if you are just starting out) how might you see or imagine it evolving in the future?
Richard: I think I’ve become more confident, and less of an asshole. I would like to continue in the same vein.
Jayden: I was a switch in my teen years, just because I was trying things out. Then I became mostly a sub (like 90% sub). And then I started to get comfortable in a more dominant role, and now I’m back to being mostly submissive. It’s really been all over the place, mostly based on what’s going on in my life. I find being dominant very stressful. It takes a lot of energy for me. So when life is stressful, I don’t want the responsibility of being a Domme.
Has your dominance increased or decreased over time? Have you ever had to renegotiate your dominance due to a change in your feelings or circumstance?
Richard: I don’t think I’ve become more or less dominant, per se, just more confident in expressing it. I have had to renegotiate with some subs for various reasons, usually related to the dynamic being too intense or time and energy consuming.
Jayden: Like I said, it’s been all over the place. When I did have a regular submissive for more than a year, we had to renegotiate a few times when I couldn’t do all the things he needed from a Domme.
Have you found your dominance has changed with different partners/relationships? If you’re involved with partners of both sexes, does your dominance relate or change based on gender or does it depend on the person?
Richard: Sure! Different people like different dynamics, different kinks, etc. The way I play with a little is going to be very different than with a protocol slave or something. I don’t think my dominance changes nearly as much based on gender as on the individual person. Certain kinks, etc. are more common with men than with women or vice versa but on the whole I don’t think the gender of my partner changes my carriage as a Dom much.
Jayden: Definitely. Part of what I like about being dominant is that I’m pleasing my submissive. Sure there are things I like about being dominant, but in general, I just like pleasing my partner. So my Domme role has been very different with every sub I’ve played with.