30 Days of Submission and Domination

We’re continuing answering the questions from our list. Check last week’s if you missed them!

Have you been or are you in a dominant/submissive dynamic relationship or is this new to you? Have you been in more than one D/s relationship? How were they the same? How were they different? What is unique about your relationships in your mind?

Richard: I’m currently the Dominant in my relationship with Jayden. I have been dominant, to one degree or another, in most of my long term relationships. They’ve varied pretty significantly in the type of dynamic, and how much it influenced the relationship. For example, my last relationship was DDLG in the bedroom, but almost entirely vanilla outside of it. I think all relationships are unique, so I can’t really point to anything that makes my relationships extra-unique compared to anyone else’s.

Jayden: I’m currently the submissive in my relationship with Richard. I have been in both roles in various relationships. Until recently, I’ve had several submissives of my own, but I’m not Dominant enough to maintain long term relationships. A scene here or there as a Domme is fun, but more than that becomes stressful for me. I have been a submissive in other relationships in the past, but this is the first one where I have felt…I’m not sure what the word is. Truly owned, I guess. I feel secure in the D/s part of our relationship. It’s also the only relationship I’ve been in with a Dominant partner who has had about the same or more experience in D/s than I have.

What do you feel are the roots of your submission? Do you think it has something to do with childhood? Is it a relationship management tool as in the practice of domestic discipline? Is it a sexual thrill or something else?

Richard: The first time I felt particularly subby was with an older guy I worked with at camp as a teen. I had a crush on him, and was afraid to tell him, so I decided the best way to maybe get him to hit on me was to take care of him; bring him dinner if he had a shift that made him miss it, things like that. Ironically, I later found out he was bi, and a sub, so I probably should’ve just hit on him and topped him. Oh well. As someone who winds up being in charge of a lot of things in my day to day life, I think it’s mostly a relief to not have to worry about things.

Jayden:

I think I spent so much of my life outside the bedroom in responsible roles, so being submissive allows me to let that go for a little while. Giving someone else control over…everything is a very freeing experience for me, and reduces my stress greatly. I have been interested in domestic discipline with a previous partner (but he vetoed it without ever trying it). I’m not sure it’s something I would want to pursue, particularly, and as you can see in Richard’s response on the Dom side, he’s not particularly interested in it. So that works out well!

That said, I remember having submissive fantasies before I understood what sexual fantasies were. Fantasies of being kidnapped and tortured. I guess that’s rooted deeper in me than I would have guessed. But there is a lot of sexual thrill in being a submissive for me.

Do you switch into a submissive role at any time? If you are in a domestic discipline relationship, are there things that What do you feel are the roots of your dominance? Do you think it has something to do with childhood? Is it a relationship management tool as in the practice of domestic discipline? Is it a sexual thrill or something else?

Richard: I don’t think there’s any particular “root” for my Dominance. I think I’ve generally leaned Dom for as long as I’ve been aware of my sexuality, and I’ve always liked being in charge. I’ve flirted with domestic discipline style dynamics in the past, but I’m not currently pursuing it, because I think it’s easy for it to turn unhealthy. I would say it’s mostly a sexual thing for me.

Jayden: This is a little backward, but I like pleasing people. So pleasing a submissive has a little bit of attraction to me. One of my good friends told me he didn’t think that would work to sustain a relationship, and he was right. It’s fine for a scene, but it doesn’t work long term. Like Richard, I have often been in charge of things outside the bedroom, so being a Domme was a natural progression for me. Unlike Richard, I don’t really like being in charge, it just sort of happens to me. That said, I have read/written/experienced some scenes as a Domme that turned me on a lot. But it doesn’t give me the same satisfaction being a submissive does.

We’d love to hear your answers! Feel free to answer some/all in the comments or give us links to your blog if you answered them there!

What’s Good Wednesday? 7/21/21

We have a new feature!

What’s Good Wednesday?

We thought that we would take an opportunity on Wednesdays to share what’s good in our lives and (hopefully) you’ll share what’s good in your lives! Please comment below and let us know what’s good! Feel free to be vague or specific. We’re just happy to share good things!


This week, we’re excited to share that we’re on a writing retreat! Thank goodness because our writing goals have been…not reached as of late. Richard, however, did a big project for his grad program, so that’s a big weight lifted. Our vacation wrapped up and was a lot of fun. We packed in more activities in the three days we were home, and now we’re away again for our retreat. It’ll be great to see those numbers skyrocket. (We hope.) We each hope to write 50k+ this week, so that would put a huge dent in our deficit. Wish us luck!

We also participated in a “Newlywed Game” (I think they had some non-trademarked title to it). We didn’t do quite as well as we’d hoped, but we did win! We squeaked out the win with a tie breaker! There were many questions that we were very close, but just didn’t quite get the point. It was fun, in any case, and we got a ribbon and a bottle of wine to show for it.

Thanks for sharing in our good news! Please share some of your own!

30 Days of Submission and Domination

We’re continuing answering the questions from our list. Check last week’s if you missed them!

How do you know you are submissive or have the potential to be submissive? How do you feel when you express your submission?

Richard: For me, it’s mostly a question of trust. I’m fairly unlikely to be submissive on a first encounter. Thus, I think the primary emotion I feel when I’m being subby is some variant of safe, cared for, etc.

Jayden: I am generally submissive in the bedroom, so if I meet someone who can take charge, I’m usually down for it. There does have to be some level of trust for me to get fully into the headspace, and I have noticed with Richard that the longer we’re together, the more we interact, the more I trust him, the deeper and harder I’m willing and able to submit. It’s intoxicating in the best possible way.

Do you switch into a dominant role at any time? If you are in a domestic discipline relationship, are there things that you maintain control over? Are you a “switch” in BDSM terms? If not, have you ever thought about it or given thought to why it’s not for you?

Richard: I consider myself a Dom-leaning-switch. Because I have little interest in out-of-scene submission, I maintain control of most things besides basic sexual stuff.

Jayden: I’m a sub-leaning-switch. There are occasional times that I like to play with a sub and it undeniably turns me on. But long term dominance doesn’t do much for me and often feels very heavy. I once had a sub who wanted me to pick his underwear for him. It was so taxing on me that I almost couldn’t do it, and he did everything he could to make it easy for me. For whatever reason, it just weighed on me emotionally. I’m just not interested in being Dominant in that way.

How do you know you are dominant or have the potential to be dominant? How do you feel when you express your dominance?

Richard: I started rooting for the bad guy at a young age, and I think I enjoyed power fantasies proto-sexually before I had a real concept of what sexuality was. Being dominant makes me feel sexy, wanted, and powerful.

Jayden: I had a partner a lonnnng time ago and we played at both sides. It was a great learning experience and I realized that I enjoyed being dominant sometimes. It turns me on a lot in scenes.

Do you switch into a submissive role at any time? If you are in a domestic discipline relationship, are there things that you give up control over? Are you a “switch” in BDSM terms? If not, have you ever thought about it or given thought to why it’s not for you?

Richard: I consider myself a Dom-leaning-switch. The biggest thing I refuse to control with my subs is their relationships with other partners. In general, it varies depending on the specific sub, relationship, etc. With most of my subs, I’ve had to do a lot of the planning for long term plans, major vacations, etc. but Jayden is planning most of our trip last week, since she’s been there before.

Jayden: I often switch into a submissive role, especially with Richard. I don’t mind having some level of control in things around the house, but that seems to be mostly divided equally. Richard and I talk a lot, and it’s nice that we’re a partnership, but when it comes to anything sexual, I’m ready and willing to defer to him.

We’d love to hear your answers! Feel free to answer some/all in the comments or give us links to your blog if you answered them there!

What’s Good Wednesday? 7/14/21

We have a new feature!

What’s Good Wednesday?

We thought that we would take an opportunity on Wednesdays to share what’s good in our lives and (hopefully) you’ll share what’s good in your lives! Please comment below and let us know what’s good! Feel free to be vague or specific. We’re just happy to share good things!


For Richard and I, our good news is that we’re enjoying a vacation together! As a new-ish relationship, we haven’t had many opportunities for extended vacations, and this has been our longest and most involved vacation yet. It’s been nice to be kid-free for a whole week (which is the longest that’s been the case, too) and spend some time focused on each other. We are definitely ready for our own bed though! Plus, I’ve gotten to show Richard around some of my favorite places in the world! Here are some pictures of our trip. And remember, let us know what’s good for you!

30 Days of Submission and Domination

Jayden found this list of prompts/questions for 30 Days of Submission. While we like the idea, posting the answers to those questions daily AND all of our other posts is a lot. So we’ve decided to answer a couple of questions a week. However, as we started going through the questions, we realized that some of them just aren’t suited for Richard to answer as a Dom-leaning-switch. So we decided to answer them from both perspectives since Jayden is a sub-leaning-switch.

Does your Submission– either what you practice or what you strive for – have a label? Do you view your as Taken in Hand, domestic discipline, top/bottom, dominant/submissive, master/slave, owner/pet, or some other description or combination? If you do not use a label, why?

Richard: The last time I subbed with Jayden and our ex, I was super bratty. I think I probably generally lean that way as a sub. I love pushing buttons “in real life” and it gives me a fun excuse to do it in play.

Jayden: Richard and I are in a relatively new relationship, so we’re still figuring things out. That said, my first published novel (currently off the market) is titled Slave and is all about a Master/slave relationship. So I do think that that’s where I lean. I’m also open to owner/pet, and I get very turned on when Richard reminds me that he owns me during play. But we’ve both agreed that we’re not into puppy play or pony play. More of a generic ‘pet’.

Describe who you might submit to and how. Are you exclusively submissive in marriage or just in the bedroom? Are you submissive only in the context of a scene or in a role or throughout your daily life? Are you submissive to play partners or only in the context of a relationship?

Richard: Sexually, I submit only occasionally, and in the bedroom. I don’t think there’s a particular type of partner that makes me more or less likely to submit. Some of my favorite times submitting were switching off with partners who were usually very subby. Generally, I’m only subby with established/serious partners, not first time/casual ones.

Non-sexually, I have very little desire to submit. It’s fun to bring my Dom a snack or something, but I think that’s mostly tongue in cheek, and I do it as a Dom too. In situations where I don’t have a lot of say in what’s going on, I’m more of a “keep your head down and just get shit done” kind of person.

Jayden: I am most likely to submit to someone who shows that I can trust them. I will say that I am generally very subby, so it’s relatively easy for me to play at submission with someone or to have a scene with them. But for true submission, I need that trust and intimacy.

Outside the bedroom, I’m not particularly submissive. I’m not at all submissive in my work-life. But I do take joy in serving Richard as my Master at home. Although we have a pretty 50/50 balance of chores around home, I’ll often go out of my way to do little things for him, but he does the same for me.

Does your dominance– either what you practice or what you strive for – have a label? Do you view your dominance as Taken in Hand, domestic discipline, top/bottom, dominant/submissive, master/slave, owner/pet, or some other description or combination? If you do not use a label, why?

Richard: My relationship with Jayden, and our D/s dynamic, is still evolving. In general, I think I lean towards Master/slave setups. I’ve certainly had relationships with pets, littles, etc. in the past.

Jayden: I rarely want to be dominant with a partner, but I do like titles like Miss, Mistress, Goddess (though that one has become a submissive term with a lowercase g sometimes).

Describe who you might dominate and how. Are you exclusively dominant in marriage or just in the bedroom? Are you dominant only in the context of a scene or in a role or throughout your daily life? Are you dominant to play partners or only in the context of a relationship?

Richard: I think I default to being dominant most of the time. I like to describe myself as a 23/6 Dominant. I definitely enjoy being dominant outside the bedroom, but not all the time about every little thing. I think I actually tend to be more dominant with more casual partners. It’s easier to slap someone around and piss in their coffee if you don’t have to go pick out a couch with them the next day.

Jayden: I am only dominant in the bedroom, and rarely at that. I have had long term submissive partners before and it’s too much for me. I get burned out on it pretty quickly. But I can’t deny (and don’t know why I would) that I’ve enjoyed the occasional scene as a dominant. I’m excited to see what it’s like to co-Dom with Richard.

31 Questions: Day 31

Marquessa Matthews challenged herself and other bloggers to answer 31 questions during the month of March. You should check out hers and comment below with a link if you’re playing along!


31 Questions
March 2021

March 31 – What are you most grateful for, right now, in this moment?

Jayden: Safety. I feel safe and loved and happy, and that’s a feeling I haven’t felt for a while.

Richard: I just had a wonderful piece of home made bread as a snack. I’m very grateful for it. It’s really not a big deal, and I’m sure it won’t be my number one in five minutes, but sometimes it’s nice to just appreciate the little things in the moment.

AND you!

Without you, our readers, what would our blog be besides talking to ourselves? We appreciate your views, likes, and comments. We love reading and responding to your messages. We’re super excited to take on the A to Z Blog Challenge, “meet” new bloggers, and most importantly, develop our blogging community even further. Feel free to drop us a line in the comments here or via email at jrvincente@gmail.com. We’d love to have your feedback!

– Jayden and Richard

31 Questions: Day 30

Marquessa Matthews challenged herself and other bloggers to answer 31 questions during the month of March. You should check out hers and comment below with a link if you’re playing along!


31 Questions
March 2021

March 30 – What’s your most urgent priority for the rest of the year?

Jayden: Happiness. Finding a new balance for myself. There have been a lot of major changes in my life recently, and balance is going to be an important part of the rest of my year.

Richard:  Getting into grad school. I need it for work, and I’m going for an MFA in Creative Writing, so I’m excited to improve my craft.

UPDATE: I got in! Still going to leave this up, since doing well in school is still going to be a major priority for me.

31 Questions: Day 29

Marquessa Matthews challenged herself and other bloggers to answer 31 questions during the month of March. You should check out hers and comment below with a link if you’re playing along!


31 Questions
March 2021

March 29 – What’s the most out-of-character choice you’ve ever made?

Jayden: Leaving my marriage of over a decade. Everyone who isn’t super close to me was very shocked. A few people who are close to me were shocked. But, in the end, it was a well thought out decision that was the best thing for myself, and I needed to make myself a priority. That right there was the thing that made it out-of-character. I always put everyone else before myself–their needs, their wants before my own. And for the first time in my life, I realized that I wasn’t happy and that I deserved to be happy.

Richard:  Ever? I don’t know, that’s a lot of decisions. In the last year or so? The way Jayden’s and my relationship began was very unusual for me, and I usually wait more than three months before I move a new partner in.

31 Questions: Day 28

Marquessa Matthews challenged herself and other bloggers to answer 31 questions during the month of March. You should check out hers and comment below with a link if you’re playing along!


31 Questions
March 2021

March 28 – Do you have a morning ritual?

Jayden: I do! I mean, ritual in the sense of I do the same thing every morning anyway. It’s mostly a taking meds, shower, brushing teeth, type of routine. I don’t know that it goes beyond that.

Richard:  Not really. I try to get up and going pretty quickly. With Covid and work from home, I usually just hop out of bed and wash up, then sign in for work. I do like to wait an hour or so from getting up before I have breakfast.

31 Questions: Day 27

Marquessa Matthews challenged herself and other bloggers to answer 31 questions during the month of March. You should check out hers and comment below with a link if you’re playing along!


31 Questions
March 2021

March 27 – Would you rather have a live-in massage therapist, or a live-in chef?

Jayden: A live-in chef. I can’t cook well. I mean, I wouldn’t starve on my own, but I would eat the same 5-6 meals all the time.

Richard:  Massage therapist. I can cook my own food, but I can’t rub my own back. Plus, a decent massage is more expensive than a decent

31 Questions: Day 26

Marquessa Matthews challenged herself and other bloggers to answer 31 questions during the month of March. You should check out hers and comment below with a link if you’re playing along!


31 Questions
March 2021

March 26 – Would you consider yourself an introvert, extrovert, or ambivert?

Jayden:  I am an extreme extrovert. I pretty much never want to be alone. Maybe once or twice a year.

Richard: Extrovert, but not nearly as much as Jayden. I generally prefer to be around people, and am energized by it, but I’m happy to have some me time all by myself a couple times a month.

31 Questions: Day 25

Marquessa Matthews challenged herself and other bloggers to answer 31 questions during the month of March. You should check out hers and comment below with a link if you’re playing along!


31 Questions
March 2021

March 25 – Where & when do you get your best ideas?

Jayden: When I’m mostly asleep in bed and either trying to fall back to sleep or trying to fall asleep.

Richard: Walking outside. The more I’m moving and in nature, the better they get.

31 Questions: Day 24

Marquessa Matthews challenged herself and other bloggers to answer 31 questions during the month of March. You should check out hers and comment below with a link if you’re playing along!


31 Questions
March 2021

March 24 – When you see peers / competitors getting things you want, how do you react?

Jayden: I’m pretty good at compersion, but sometimes I get a little jealous, which fuels me to work harder.

Richard:  I think more annoyed than jealous? I generally try to avoid competing with people, outside of games, sports, etc. It’s usually not productive for anyone.

31 Questions: Day 23

Marquessa Matthews challenged herself and other bloggers to answer 31 questions during the month of March. You should check out hers and comment below with a link if you’re playing along!


31 Questions
March 2021

March 23 – What’s your recipe for recuperating from extreme heartbreak?

Jayden: Time, mostly. But in the interim: baked goods (cake, cookies, etc.), ice cream, mac & cheese,… so–carbs.

Richard: Usually I pick a video game, book series, etc. that I’ve been putting off since I know it’ll be a total time sink, and dive into it.

31 Questions: Day 22

Marquessa Matthews challenged herself and other bloggers to answer 31 questions during the month of March. You should check out hers and comment below with a link if you’re playing along!


31 Questions
March 2021

March 22 – What’s your personal anthem or theme song?

Jayden: It changes at least 2-3 times a year, but currently: If Our Love Is Wrong by Calum Scott.

Richard: I’m going to go with the Space Jam theme. Especially when you mash it up with something else. This one just popped up in my Youtube recommends. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Vyrlj_WmkA Bonus points for having Megalovania in there, which is one of my favorite writing jams.

31 Questions: Day 21

Marquessa Matthews challenged herself and other bloggers to answer 31 questions during the month of March. You should check out hers and comment below with a link if you’re playing along!


31 Questions
March 2021

March 21 – What’s something you’ve tried, that you’ll never, ever try again?

Jayden: Oh there have to be things… kinky things even.

Richard: Scalloped potatoes. What a waste of good spuds.

Jayden: Okay so, Richard called me out that this was a cop out of an answer. So… I guess I’ll add onto it. I like to try new things, especially kinky things. I’m trying to remember one that I disliked enough to never, ever do again. There are plenty of things that I don’t love but will do for the right Dom. There are a few things I won’t even try (hello, hard limits!) but it’s pretty rare that I’ll try something and dislike it *that* strongly. So, I guess I have to get away from kink…

I have a food I’ll never try again. Anything rice paper wrapped. It literally makes me gag.

Also, scalloped potatoes are delicious, and apparently I have to cook them for Richard so he can see that. (I legitimately think he’d like them if they were made well.)

31 Questions: Day 20

Marquessa Matthews challenged herself and other bloggers to answer 31 questions during the month of March. You should check out hers and comment below with a link if you’re playing along!


31 Questions
March 2021

March 20 – What’s one mistake you keep repeating (and repeating)?

Jayden: Arguing with a friend. Trying to get them to see things the way they are instead of the way they perceive them to be. It’s like beating my head against a brick wall.

Richard: Eating too late before going to bed. I always feel like garbage.

Jayden: I guess we’ll just have to get you some more pre-sleep exercise, Richard. 😉 It would probably be in bed though.

31 Questions: Day 19

Marquessa Matthews challenged herself and other bloggers to answer 31 questions during the month of March. You should check out hers and comment below with a link if you’re playing along!


31 Questions
March 2021

March 19 – What’s in your fridge, right this moment?

Jayden: A lot of things. But one that’s coming to mind is bread pudding! I love bread pudding.

Richard: For the record, that bread pudding isn’t there anymore. We’re filling these out ahead of time. There’s probably milk in there, we’re pretty good about keeping that. Also, eggs. I accidentally bought like 3 dozen, and we don’t go through them that quickly.

31 Questions: Day 18

Marquessa Matthews challenged herself and other bloggers to answer 31 questions during the month of March. You should check out hers and comment below with a link if you’re playing along!


31 Questions
March 2021

March 18 – What do you value most: free time, recognition, or money?

Jayden: Free time. I’ve had a lot of times in my life where I was on the go around the clock. It’s very nice to feel productive, but I also value time to relax and do the things I want to do instead of the things I have to do.

Richard: Free time. There was a brief period where I was working 60+ hour weeks. I literally did not have time to spend the money I was making with overtime, and I was miserable. Free time is the hardest to come by, but you can use it to get recognition or money if you want it.

31 Questions: Day 17

Marquessa Matthews challenged herself and other bloggers to answer 31 questions during the month of March. You should check out hers and comment below with a link if you’re playing along!


31 Questions
March 2021

March 17 – What are you an expert on? Is it because of training, lived experience, or both?

Jayden: Spreadsheets! Okay, maybe not. I’m really good at them. But I do think I’m an expert at my day job, which I don’t really talk about on here.

Richard: Sourdough! Hint: Use the discard for pancakes with jelly or honey.

Jayden: I can totally vouch for Richard’s Sourdough. Oh my goodness, it’s amazing. I didn’t even particularly like sourdough before I met Richard, and now I lament any time we don’t have it in the house!