After our kiss, okay, several kisses, we got back to work. At least, for a little while.
“May I please go pee, Sir?” I asked. I had been asking him for permission to pee for… I don’t know how long. A few weeks, I think. It was another thing with us that I don’t know how it happened, but it did. I suppose it was probably in response to some kind of fiction I wrote and a text conversation we had. Nick wasn’t into water sports, so I had no one to play with, and Richard was. Richard was happy to give me permission (or not) to pee. It was hot.
“You may,” he said.
“My pants are soaked through,” I said. “Putting them back on is going to be gross.”
“Do you want another pair of pants?” he asked.
“Oh, maybe,” I said.
“You can let yours dry out before you have to go. Let me see what I have.”
He rummaged around in his drawers and came up with a pair of pants that had Batman logos on them. I went into the bathroom, did my thing, and put them on. There was no full-length mirror in there, but I put them on and looked down, and all I could think was that they made my thighs look massive.
I was very insecure about my body. I rarely, if ever, felt attractive. One of my biggest concerns with meeting Richard the way I had was that he hadn’t really seen me in person much. What if he didn’t like the way I looked when he saw me naked? What if he didn’t like my thighs and ass?
I almost took the pants off and put my wet ones back on, but then I decided…fuck it. He hadn’t seen me naked yet, but if he didn’t like me in the pants, he definitely wasn’t going to like me naked.
I stepped out of the bathroom in the pants, nervous as hell. He looked me up and down as I entered the living room, and I held my breath waiting for a response.
He opened his arms for me, and I walked toward him.
“I’m going to ask you a question, and you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.”
“Okay,” I said, not sure what he was going to say.
“How much do you weigh?”
I told him, and he said, “Don’t lose more than like ten more pounds. Your thighs look fucking amazing in those pants.”
My eyes went wide, and I looked down at him. “Really?”
“Yes,” he said, and he was 100% serious.
The look of desire on his face was palpable. He wrapped his arms around me, and I wrapped mine around him, and we held onto each other. Feelings had started to bloom for me, but I didn’t say anything. I didn’t know what to say. We had agreed that we were just going to be friends with benefits, and that was okay. But I couldn’t stop the feelings from growing for me. I decided to try to live in the moment and not worry about it.
At the end of the night, I changed back into my pants, and Richard walked me out to my car. Since we’d had our first kiss, there were plenty more to be had. He pinned me up against the car and kissed me. It was hot. I wanted more.
And then, as we stood there in the parking lot, on a chilly fall night, he looked down at me, and I watched the look on his face as he said goodbye. There was a moment where everything changed. Sure, he wanted me. He wanted my body, and that was very sexy, but that was not this look. This was a look that showed me he wanted more than that. That there was something more there. And then he said the words I had been hoping to hear, “Oh god, I’m getting feelings.”