We spent the next week trying to figure out what the hell we were going to do about everything. We were developing feelings for each other, and now that we had acknowledged that, they were moving quickly. But we hadn’t had sex yet. And that was driving me crazy.
One of the days Richard came over to my house, he said, “You know, I think we should wait until after Thanksgiving to have sex.”
I wanted to be okay with it, but… He whispered to me so that no one else could hear, “You aren’t used to being told no, are you?”
I shook my head. I wasn’t. I generally got what I wanted, and I liked it that way. Richard was going to be an interesting challenge.
We were supposed to be social distancing because the holidays were coming, but Richard was being very bad about it. He finally caved on our last socially distanced date and decided that he would come home with us after all. I was excited because it meant that our first time having sex would be the three of us. Richard and I had basically come to the conclusion in texts that we would be spending some time together the following weekend alone, and it was important to me that it not be our first time. Nick had already missed our first kiss, and although I didn’t think that was a particularly big deal, it just felt significant to me.
We were both nervous, maybe all of us, but Nick never showed it. It turned out to be of the best threesomes Nick and I had ever had.
Richard and I even got to have sex for the first time in front of Nick. It was often awkward for us the first time we had sex with someone new. Figuring out what we liked and didn’t like—figuring out where everyone’s comfort zones were with things. It was complicated, especially since Nick didn’t express himself much about it.
I remember feeling thrilled when Nick when down on Richard. I knew he was good at giving head, and watching Richard’s reactions was fun. Plus, being able to kiss Richard without feeling like Nick was staring at us was fun. I was thrilled when Richard and I had sex for the first time. Although it was awkward with Nick just looking at us, it was excellent. Richard and I fit so well together, and I was thrilled to have that connection. Finally! It felt like it had been a long time coming (ha), even though it really hadn’t been.
After that, the plans started to fall into place. Richard and I were going to get together all day Saturday to write. We had planned it all out a week or two earlier, but that was before we realized that we had feelings for each other and how deep those feelings were running. We were talking all day, every day in text, on the phone after work, and late into the night in text or on voice chat. It was becoming a bit of a problem.
I was very nervous but very excited to see what spending a whole day with Richard would entail. We had things to do, and we couldn’t spend the whole time devoted to each other, but we figured that it was probably one of the best opportunities we would have for some alone time.
There was still hesitation on both of our parts about what we were doing and the fact that it was against the rules that Nick and I had agreed upon. In the end, my needs were stronger than my desire to follow the rules. It was wrong. I know that. But it was what I decided to do.