We’re continuing answering the questions from our list. Check last week’s if you missed them!
Do you accept and/or expect structure, rules and limits as a part of your submission? How do you feel about them?
Richard: Rules are meant to be broken, because I am a bad boy and the whole point of subbing is to make you mad and get spankings.
Jayden: I do accept and expect structure, rules, and limits. In fact, they make me feel safe and cared for. Richard has made mention a few times of how much work being a Dom can be, and this is where a lot of that work comes in. As much as it sucks for the Dom to have to put in the work, it’s super important to me to have those rules and structures. I always do my best to make it easy on him, and being Good helps a lot. I want to follow the rules, and the only times I’ve ever broken them, it was accidental. But it’s vital to me as a sub to have that.
Do you include service as a part of your expectations of your submission? How do you define service? What does it mean to you? If not, what is it about the concept of service that is not for you?
Richard: I do. I’m a people pleaser in general, so it comes out pretty naturally in my submission. I would define service as taking care of, or doing, things for others. I don’t think it necessarily has to be sexual, baking brownies can be service too.
Jayden: Yes. If my Dom tells/asks me to do something, I’ll do it, no questions asked. Although we generally don’t do service submission outside the “bedroom”, it’s something we’re toying with and maybe working toward. As Richard said, service is taking care of or doing things for others. I like taking care of my partner, especially as a submissive.
Do you accept and/or expect structure, rules and limits as a part of your dominance? How do you feel about them?
Richard: I respect my sub’s limits, etc. and the structures we’ve put in place to keep everyone safe and comfortable. In terms of rules as part of the power exchange, we use a few. The main one is that Jayden has to ask my permission before she can pee. Again, they’re fun to do, but they have to be set up properly to make sure they don’t turn into a chore for one, or both, of us.
Jayden: I do. I like structure, in general, but I also don’t want to be a long-term Dominant, so it’s not something I do a lot. I have, in the past, had some of those structures, but as Richard said, it became a chore for me.
Do you include service as a part of your expectations of your submissive? How do you define service? What does it mean to you? If not, what is it about the concept of service that is not for you?
Richard: I do. We don’t have a lot of formal service rules right now, but I’ll occasionally tell her to take care of something for me, refill my drink, etc. It’s one of my favorite complications to add to our bathroom rule (you can pee after you bring me a snack, etc.) I’ve done formal service play on occasion with other subs. I think Jayden would be good for it, but it’s not a super Covid friendly scene. Maybe next summer. As a Dominant, I define service (in a kink context) primarily as tasks given to the sub to humiliate them, remind them of their place, etc. Which is pretty different from my sub answer.
Jayden: I do. As a Dom, I really like service in the form of pampering. (I like it as a sub, too, but it’s different.) Massages, lotion, bringing me things, making me feel good. Those are great ways to service me as a Domme.