We’re continuing answering the questions from our list. Check last week’s if you missed them!

Do you include financial submission within the definition of your own submission and if yes, how does it manifest itself? If no, is there a particular reason why? Are you familiar with the concepts of financial submission? Do you have an opinion about financial submission in general?

Richard: I do not. No Dom I’ve been with has ever asked for it, and I don’t think I’m particularly interested in doing it anyway. In general, I think it’s a rather dangerous kink, though obviously not in the traditional way. Realistically, a lot of relationships already have financial dynamics that may or may not be sexual. If it’s okay to pay for sex, or to rely on your partner financially, I don’t think making a kink out of it necessarily does any harm.

Jayden: I haven’t, and I don’t think I would. I don’t have a lot of extra money, so I don’t know how it would be helpful. And, as much as I enjoy depending on my Dom for lots of things, finances isn’t one of them. I like knowing that I can stand on my own and take care of myself.

Is sexual availability, being available to your partner any time he or she wants, part of your submission? Why or why not? Are there limits to this?

Richard: It’s not, but I think I could enjoy it. Because I only sub sporadically and for short time periods, it doesn’t really come up. I’d be interested in it. I think it’d be fun, and I have a bit of an exhibitionist streak, which could play into it. Don’t get me fired. That’s definitely a limit.

Jayden: Yes, absolutely. In fact, the more I feel like he’s using me for his pleasure, the more I like it.

Does religion have any bearing on your decision to submit? If not, are you familiar with religious based submission and do you view it as similar to other types of submission or dissimilar?

Richard: It doesn’t. My religious background is pretty sex-negative. I do have a Domme friend who does some religious play, and it’s never really interested me. Overall, I’d say more similar than non, it’s just another “flavor.”

Jayden: Nope. It’s just not a thing for me. I do like that Richard calls me goddess sometimes (note the lowercase g!) but that’s not based in religion. I don’t think I’ve ever known anyone who had that particular kink, but as Richard said, it’s similar to other types of kink, especially ‘taboo’ ones.

Do you include financial domination within the definition of your own dominance and if yes, how does it manifest itself? If no, is there a particular reason why? Are you familiar with the concepts of financial domination? Do you have an opinion about financial domination in general?

Richard: I’d love to have a pay pig, sugar daddy/mommy slut, whatever. Who doesn’t want some extra spending money, or someone to buy me fun toys (which I can then use on other subs for extra fun)? Jayden and I sort of played around with this before we left her other partner. Another partner I had had a toy that an ex Dom had bought for her, that she “wasn’t supposed” to use with anyone else. That added a fun little twist to using it. I’m more comfortable doing fin Dom as a Dom than as a sub.

Jayden: As a Domme, I’m not sure I could do it. It sounds fun, and like Richard said, it would be fun to have a little extra from time to time, but I think I would feel bad about it.

Is sexual availability, being available to your partner any time he or she wants, part of your dominance? Why or why not? Are there limits to this?

Richard: For me, some degree of availability or free use is a basic part of sexual submission. For Jayden, this is more or less literally true, I can do what I want, when I want, no questions asked. For other subs, this was more of a role play affectations. Generally, I try to be flexible about using it in compromising or public situations, though they’re also one of my favorite times to use it. As I remind Jayden, “what’s the point of having a slave if you have to ask?”

Jayden: I think it is to an extent, but as Richard said with submission, I’m mostly a sub, so as a Domme, I don’t know if it works quite the same way. That being said, if I want my sub, I want them on my time.

Does religion have any bearing on your decision to dominate? If not, are you familiar with religious based dominance and do you view it as similar to other types of dominance or dissimilar?

Richard: I’ve done some religious play with some subs, but it’s not one of my primary dynamics. Jayden calls me the God of Rape sometimes. If it’s literally religious based, as opposed to just a roleplay scenario or something, it sounds pretty ripe for abuse.

Jayden: Nope, not at all. I’ve never even attempted it, and I don’t know that I would. It’s one thing to be (as Richard said) the God or Goddess of something, but I don’t think that’s exactly what we’re talking about here.

We’d love to hear your answers! Feel free to answer some/all in the comments or give us links to your blog if you answered them there!

We’re continuing answering the questions from our list. Check last week’s if you missed them!

Do you accept and/or expect structure, rules and limits as a part of your submission? How do you feel about them?

Richard: Rules are meant to be broken, because I am a bad boy and the whole point of subbing is to make you mad and get spankings.

Jayden: I do accept and expect structure, rules, and limits. In fact, they make me feel safe and cared for. Richard has made mention a few times of how much work being a Dom can be, and this is where a lot of that work comes in. As much as it sucks for the Dom to have to put in the work, it’s super important to me to have those rules and structures. I always do my best to make it easy on him, and being Good helps a lot. I want to follow the rules, and the only times I’ve ever broken them, it was accidental. But it’s vital to me as a sub to have that.

Do you include service as a part of your expectations of your submission? How do you define service? What does it mean to you? If not, what is it about the concept of service that is not for you?

Richard: I do. I’m a people pleaser in general, so it comes out pretty naturally in my submission. I would define service as taking care of, or doing, things for others. I don’t think it necessarily has to be sexual, baking brownies can be service too.

Jayden: Yes. If my Dom tells/asks me to do something, I’ll do it, no questions asked. Although we generally don’t do service submission outside the “bedroom”, it’s something we’re toying with and maybe working toward. As Richard said, service is taking care of or doing things for others. I like taking care of my partner, especially as a submissive.

Do you accept and/or expect structure, rules and limits as a part of your dominance? How do you feel about them?

Richard: I respect my sub’s limits, etc. and the structures we’ve put in place to keep everyone safe and comfortable. In terms of rules as part of the power exchange, we use a few. The main one is that Jayden has to ask my permission before she can pee. Again, they’re fun to do, but they have to be set up properly to make sure they don’t turn into a chore for one, or both, of us.

Jayden: I do. I like structure, in general, but I also don’t want to be a long-term Dominant, so it’s not something I do a lot. I have, in the past, had some of those structures, but as Richard said, it became a chore for me.

Do you include service as a part of your expectations of your submissive? How do you define service? What does it mean to you? If not, what is it about the concept of service that is not for you?

Richard: I do. We don’t have a lot of formal service rules right now, but I’ll occasionally tell her to take care of something for me, refill my drink, etc. It’s one of my favorite complications to add to our bathroom rule (you can pee after you bring me a snack, etc.) I’ve done formal service play on occasion with other subs. I think Jayden would be good for it, but it’s not a super Covid friendly scene. Maybe next summer. As a Dominant, I define service (in a kink context) primarily as tasks given to the sub to humiliate them, remind them of their place, etc. Which is pretty different from my sub answer.

Jayden: I do. As a Dom, I really like service in the form of pampering. (I like it as a sub, too, but it’s different.) Massages, lotion, bringing me things, making me feel good. Those are great ways to service me as a Domme.

We’d love to hear your answers! Feel free to answer some/all in the comments or give us links to your blog if you answered them there!

We’re continuing answering the questions from our list. Check last week’s if you missed them!

Does any element of BDSM occur as a part of your submissive relationships? How do you feel about BDSM? Is it core to your submission, peripheral or non-existent (other than the submission part)?

Richard: I love being bound (and then trying to get out of them and being punished for it) and have a fairly strong masochistic streak. I certainly can sub without them, but they are some of my favorite parts.

Jayden: There are so many parts of BDSM that are important as a submissive for me. I am the polar opposite of a brat, and I try very hard to follow the rules and be Good. It is the core of my submission. If I think Master will like it, I’ll do it and be happy about it. Not because I don’t want to tell him no but because I really, really like it when I’m doing something for the express purpose of pleasing Master.

Do you accept and/or expect discipline or punishments as a part of your submission? How do you feel about it?

Richard: I don’t expect them, but I don’t really mind them either. Mostly it’s just an excuse to get spanked.

Jayden: I don’t like being punished. As Richard demonstrated the other day, all he has to do is scold me and I cower, even when I didn’t do anything wrong and he was doing it as a joke to show our friend. I still got upset (until he told me I was a Good Girl and gave me scritches). But if I do break the rules, then yeah, I’ll certainly accept a punishment, and I have no doubt I would get one.

Is spanking or corporal punishment a part of your submission? Why or why not?

Richard: If I’m not getting spanked, I’m clearly behaving too well.

Jayden: (He’s such a brat!) I get maintenance spankings at least once a week, and I like that, but I don’t want to be spanked as part of a punishment. Mostly because he’d have to spank me really hard for me not to enjoy it.

Does any element of BDSM occur as a part of your dominant relationships? How do you feel about BDSM? Is it core to your dominance, peripheral or non-existent (other than the dominance part)?

Richard: I’ve done some bondage with most partners. Jayden mostly gets tied down so I can make her orgasm too many times in a row. We also do a lot of S&M. Jayden is a huge pain slut, and I’m happy to deliver.

Jayden: I don’t do well as a long-term Dom, so as much as I like it, it’s just something I do for a scene here or there.

Do you accept and/or expect discipline or punishments as a part of your Dominance? How do you feel about it?

Richard: As the Dom, keeping up on punishments can take a lot of energy. It’s one thing to do a funishment and give someone a couple dozen slaps for being bad, but actually tracking, enforcing, etc. rules, and taking the time to punish them when broken, is a lot of time and effort. I’d like to do it more, but it requires a fairly motivated and coordinated sub to keep it from turning into work.

Jayden: I’m not great at giving out punishments. I’m often too nice. I did have a sub once who expected all of his punishments to be things like spanking (which he liked). When I threatened to put him in a corner and not talk to him for 20 minutes, he was really upset, and I pointed out that it was meant to be a punishment, not a funishment. He didn’t like that.

Have you found your dominance has changIs spanking or corporal punishment a part of your dominance? Why or why not?

Richard: Jayden gets a maintenance spanking most Sundays. She gets occasional spankings, canings, etc. when she deserves it as well. We generally try to do punishment directly related to whatever rule she broke, partially because it’s more effective, and partially because she enjoys pain too much for it to be much of a deterrent.

Jayden: I like spanking for play, but not so much as a punishment, and that goes for both my submission and my Domination.

We’d love to hear your answers! Feel free to answer some/all in the comments or give us links to your blog if you answered them there!

We’re continuing answering the questions from our list. Check last week’s if you missed them!

Has your submission evolved over time? If so, how has it evolved for you and if not (or if you are just starting out) how might you see or imagine it evolving in the future?

Richard: I don’t think it’s evolved in any particular way. I’ve gotten more comfortable with it, and hope to continue to do so in the future.

Jayden: My submission has definitely changed over time. When I first started playing with submission, I was mostly a switch who liked being told what to do. I still like being told what to do, but I also know better what I like and don’t like. But even that changes. Richard teases me frequently that he doesn’t know what to believe when I say things like, “I don’t like sensation play,” because apparently I do like it, I just didn’t know that before. As for it evolving, Richard and I have been together for about 8 months and my likes have changed, my horizons have been expanded. I’m sure there’s a limit to that, but it’s hard for me to imagine my submission being the same six months from now, I just have no idea what it will look like.

Has your submission increased or decreased over time? Have you ever had to renegotiate your submission due to a change in your feelings or circumstance?

Richard: I’d say about the same. I was always more Dom than sub, and I don’t think the particular ratio has changed a lot. Because I don’t sub often or in sustained/out of scene contexts, I don’t have to do a lot of renegotiating.

Jayden: Increased, definitely. My relationship with Richard has blown it out of the water. We aren’t quite 24/7, but… it’s not that far off at this point. I’m much more comfortable with myself as a submissive than I used to be. It’s freeing to feel and express.

Have you found your submission has changed with different partners/relationships? If you’re involved with partners of both sexes, does your submission relate or change based on gender or does it depend on the person?

Richard: I think all sexuality changes from partner to partner. Different Doms like different things, and I generally let them direct the play when I do switch. I think generally women I’ve subbed for have been more masochistic than the men, but I don’t think that I have a big enough sample size to say that’s a preference vs coincidence.

Jayden: I haven’t had any Dommes at this point, so gender hasn’t played a role at all. But yes, my submission has changed with my partners. I need a strong Dom who can handle pushing me for me to reach my full submissive potential.

Has your dominance evolved over time? If so, how has it evolved for you and if not (or if you are just starting out) how might you see or imagine it evolving in the future?

Richard: I think I’ve become more confident, and less of an asshole. I would like to continue in the same vein. 

Jayden: I was a switch in my teen years, just because I was trying things out. Then I became mostly a sub (like 90% sub). And then I started to get comfortable in a more dominant role, and now I’m back to being mostly submissive. It’s really been all over the place, mostly based on what’s going on in my life. I find being dominant very stressful. It takes a lot of energy for me. So when life is stressful, I don’t want the responsibility of being a Domme.

Has your dominance increased or decreased over time? Have you ever had to renegotiate your dominance due to a change in your feelings or circumstance?

Richard: I don’t think I’ve become more or less dominant, per se, just more confident in expressing it. I have had to renegotiate with some subs for various reasons, usually related to the dynamic being too intense or time and energy consuming.

Jayden: Like I said, it’s been all over the place. When I did have a regular submissive for more than a year, we had to renegotiate a few times when I couldn’t do all the things he needed from a Domme.

Have you found your dominance has changed with different partners/relationships? If you’re involved with partners of both sexes, does your dominance relate or change based on gender or does it depend on the person?

Richard: Sure! Different people like different dynamics, different kinks, etc. The way I play with a little is going to be very different than with a protocol slave or something. I don’t think my dominance changes nearly as much based on gender as on the individual person. Certain kinks, etc. are more common with men than with women or vice versa  but on the whole I don’t think the gender of my partner changes my carriage as a Dom much.

Jayden: Definitely. Part of what I like about being dominant is that I’m pleasing my submissive. Sure there are things I like about being dominant, but in general, I just like pleasing my partner. So my Domme role has been very different with every sub I’ve played with.

We’d love to hear your answers! Feel free to answer some/all in the comments or give us links to your blog if you answered them there!

We’re continuing answering the questions from our list. Check last week’s if you missed them!

Have you been or are you in a dominant/submissive dynamic relationship or is this new to you? Have you been in more than one D/s relationship? How were they the same? How were they different? What is unique about your relationships in your mind?

Richard: I’m currently the Dominant in my relationship with Jayden. I have been dominant, to one degree or another, in most of my long term relationships. They’ve varied pretty significantly in the type of dynamic, and how much it influenced the relationship. For example, my last relationship was DDLG in the bedroom, but almost entirely vanilla outside of it. I think all relationships are unique, so I can’t really point to anything that makes my relationships extra-unique compared to anyone else’s.

Jayden: I’m currently the submissive in my relationship with Richard. I have been in both roles in various relationships. Until recently, I’ve had several submissives of my own, but I’m not Dominant enough to maintain long term relationships. A scene here or there as a Domme is fun, but more than that becomes stressful for me. I have been a submissive in other relationships in the past, but this is the first one where I have felt…I’m not sure what the word is. Truly owned, I guess. I feel secure in the D/s part of our relationship. It’s also the only relationship I’ve been in with a Dominant partner who has had about the same or more experience in D/s than I have.

What do you feel are the roots of your submission? Do you think it has something to do with childhood? Is it a relationship management tool as in the practice of domestic discipline? Is it a sexual thrill or something else?

Richard: The first time I felt particularly subby was with an older guy I worked with at camp as a teen. I had a crush on him, and was afraid to tell him, so I decided the best way to maybe get him to hit on me was to take care of him; bring him dinner if he had a shift that made him miss it, things like that. Ironically, I later found out he was bi, and a sub, so I probably should’ve just hit on him and topped him. Oh well. As someone who winds up being in charge of a lot of things in my day to day life, I think it’s mostly a relief to not have to worry about things.

Jayden:

I think I spent so much of my life outside the bedroom in responsible roles, so being submissive allows me to let that go for a little while. Giving someone else control over…everything is a very freeing experience for me, and reduces my stress greatly. I have been interested in domestic discipline with a previous partner (but he vetoed it without ever trying it). I’m not sure it’s something I would want to pursue, particularly, and as you can see in Richard’s response on the Dom side, he’s not particularly interested in it. So that works out well!

That said, I remember having submissive fantasies before I understood what sexual fantasies were. Fantasies of being kidnapped and tortured. I guess that’s rooted deeper in me than I would have guessed. But there is a lot of sexual thrill in being a submissive for me.

Do you switch into a submissive role at any time? If you are in a domestic discipline relationship, are there things that What do you feel are the roots of your dominance? Do you think it has something to do with childhood? Is it a relationship management tool as in the practice of domestic discipline? Is it a sexual thrill or something else?

Richard: I don’t think there’s any particular “root” for my Dominance. I think I’ve generally leaned Dom for as long as I’ve been aware of my sexuality, and I’ve always liked being in charge. I’ve flirted with domestic discipline style dynamics in the past, but I’m not currently pursuing it, because I think it’s easy for it to turn unhealthy. I would say it’s mostly a sexual thing for me.

Jayden: This is a little backward, but I like pleasing people. So pleasing a submissive has a little bit of attraction to me. One of my good friends told me he didn’t think that would work to sustain a relationship, and he was right. It’s fine for a scene, but it doesn’t work long term. Like Richard, I have often been in charge of things outside the bedroom, so being a Domme was a natural progression for me. Unlike Richard, I don’t really like being in charge, it just sort of happens to me. That said, I have read/written/experienced some scenes as a Domme that turned me on a lot. But it doesn’t give me the same satisfaction being a submissive does.

We’d love to hear your answers! Feel free to answer some/all in the comments or give us links to your blog if you answered them there!