We’re continuing answering the questions from our list. Check last time’s if you missed them!

Can you feel submissive without a dominant partner? If so, how does your submission express itself? If not, how do you handle your submission or submissive feelings?

Richard: I don’t think so. Since I default to being a Dom, it’s not really a problem.

Jayden: I’m not sure that I’ve been without a dominant partner, since I understood that I was submissive. There have definitely been lulls over the years where my partner wasn’t feeling particularly dominant, and then I did a lot of fantasizing about submission. I give myself tasks to do (which of course is not nearly as much fun), but I definitely missed it when it wasn’t there.

Is there anything about submission (yours or what you see in others) that you question, dislike or repels you? Was there a time you questioned or were resistant to your own submissive feelings?

Richard: I don’t like overly dependent subs. There’s a line between playing needy, pathetic, little, etc. and legit being unable to function, and it’s not sexy when it gets crossed.

Jayden: Within myself, I can’t think of anything. Sometimes I get a little embarrassed thinking about the degrading stuff I do that I love. But then the embarrassment turns me on, so… In others, as Richard said, there’s a line there. Bedroom submission is great, but when someone is dependent on me for literally everything, it’s a big turn off.

Can you feel dominant without a submissive partner? If so, how does your dominance express itself? If not, how do you handle your dominance or dominance feelings?

Richard: I’ve often compared the feeling I get from a good scene to when everything clicks in writing, or when I do well in a difficult game, solve a difficult problem, etc. I don’t know if it’s just all happy chemicals, if it’s all similar from a planning/control perspective, or what. When I don’t have a “real” sub I tend to spend a lot more time on chat sites and the like.

Jayden: I can’t. I lean so far submissive naturally that it takes the right partner to bring out the Domme in me.

Is there anything about dominance (yours or what you see in others) that you question, dislike or repels you? Was there a time you questioned or were resistant to your own dominant feelings?

Richard: Just the general use of dominance for cover for assholish or abusive behavior. There were definitely times when I felt guilty about being a Dom when I was much younger, like sixteen or seventeen, but I think that’s the only time.

Jayden: Exactly what Richard said. There are so many abusive “doms” who either use it as a cover or just don’t understand the difference. I remember when a friend was looking for a Dom, she had a hell of a time with it.

We’d love to hear your answers! Feel free to answer some/all in the comments or give us links to your blog if you answered them there!

We’re continuing answering the questions from our list. Check last time’s if you missed them!

How socially connected is your submission? Do you look for others to talk to about your submission for support or networking? Do you go to events or connect through another sort of social grouping either in person or online?

Richard: I have a fair number of D/s friends (and a few mostly vanilla ones that I talk kink with.) I’ve used a variety of kink and kink-adjacent websites, chat rooms etc., and have made some lasting friends there. I’ve been to munches, etc. in the past, and would like to start going again.

Jayden: And hey, we did that! We went to one munch so far in our local area, and we’ll probably go to more. I am excited because I have now met another submissive who I have formed a good friendship with. It’s so, so nice to be able to talk about kinky things and not have people look at you strangely. When you say things like, “He choked me last and it was so fucking hot!” or “Look at this bruise!” We were just remarking the other day at a dinner party that it was fun to be at a dinner party where it was totally acceptable for me to whip out my chest to show off a bruise.

In general, my submission had a behind-closed-doors feel to it, but I am really glad to say that that is no longer the case. I am excited to be more social about it and connect with other kinky people.

Is there a physical position that makes you feel most submissive?

Richard: Being tied up makes me squirmy and bratty.

Jayden: Kneeling is generally a good one. Anything that puts me physically below my Dom (though I’m short, so that’s most of the time anyway). And, as Richard said, tie me up!

How socially connected is your dominance? Do you look for others to talk to about your dominance for support or networking? Do you go to events or connect through another sort of social grouping either in person or online?

Richard: It comes and goes. I like to have kinky friends to talk about these sorts of things with. I have a handful of good friends who are generally involved in kink, so I usually have at least a few to talk to. One of our friends recently got involved in a new relationship that’s significantly kinkier than most of his prior ones, so it’s nice to talk to him and his new partner about it. I don’t really like to go to kink events solo, but if I have a partner it’s fun to go out. More rarely I’ll go with a friend.

Jayden: I haven’t been dominant enough to have any kind of support or networking. I guess you could say that for a brief time, I was being dominant in text with a sub and Richard was coaching me through it. That was definitely helpful.

Is there a physical position that makes you feel most dominant?

Richard: Putting my sub in a face down-ass up position is good. And of course, you can’t beat having someone kneeling at your feet.

Jayden: (For the record, I didn’t read Richard’s dominant responses before I wrote my own submissive ones. Yeah, we’re on the same page almost all the time…) As a Domme, having someone kneel at my feet, especially someone who is usually taller than me is hot. I like it when they have that pleading look in their eye. It makes me feel powerful.

We’d love to hear your answers! Feel free to answer some/all in the comments or give us links to your blog if you answered them there!

We’re continuing answering the questions from our list. Check last week’s if you missed them!

What does trust mean to you in the context of submission?

Richard: Trusting my Dominant to set up a scene that we can both enjoy, be safe, etc.

Jayden: Being able to let go and trust in my Dominant is most of what makes it alluring to me. Knowing that he (or she) will take care of me, push me right to the edge, and be there to hold me when it’s over is the deepest trust.

Very often the stereotype of submission is that the submissive person loses the ability to have an opinion. While that clearly isn’t true except in the absolute rarest of occasions, how does communication factor into your submission and how do you communicate your desires and needs?

Richard: I’m a very chatty sub, I think it’s nervous energy. I’m perfectly willing to beg and whine for what I want/need. If I don’t get it, sometimes I switch back into Dom space and take it anyway.

Jayden: When I get into that submissive headspace, I find it very hard to have an opinion. I just want to please my Dom. I don’t care about anything else. I get off on his pleasure. So it’s hard to express anything for me. If I need to, I will. And often Richard asks what I want. Usually my answer is something along the lines of, “Whatever you want, Sir.” And I mean that. 100%.

What does trust mean to you in the context of domination?

Richard: That I’ll take care of my submissive and make sure they’re safe, limits are respected, that sort of thing.

Jayden: Having someone put their trust in me to protect them and respect their limits in a kinky scene is a lot of responsibility. It’s also the reason I am not great at taking on long-term submissives.

Very often the stereotype of dominance is that the dominant person gets anything they want, without regard for the sub. While that clearly isn’t true except in the absolute rarest of occasions, how does communication factor into your dominance and how do you communicate with your sub?

Richard: Jayden and I both like doing questionnaires, checklists, etc. so we’ve done quite a few of those to help get a feel for where we both feel on certain kinks. We try to pick a few kinks, questions, etc. and talk about them when we go for a walk, drive, etc. Sometimes, we both write out our answers ahead of time and swap them to help make sure we’re giving an honest one.

Jayden: As a Domme, I love the questionnaires and checklists Richard mentioned. And although I like being dominant from time to time, I’m usually doing it to fulfil someone else’s desires. That’s the core of all of my kink. So finding out what they are interested in ahead of time is crucial for me.

We’d love to hear your answers! Feel free to answer some/all in the comments or give us links to your blog if you answered them there!