1. Do you like where you live or do you wish you could move?

I do like the area I live in. Sometimes I wish I could move, but mostly because I feel like we have a lot of physical clutter I would like to leave behind. Once I realized that was my motivation for wanting to move, I decided I should work on reducing the physical clutter. So, that’s what I’ve been doing!

2. No matter what life throws at me, I believe that I can deal with it. Agree or Disagree?

I want to agree, but I’m sure I have a breaking point. Everyone does. But I certainly wouldn’t go down without a fight!

3. A dear friend is stuck in an unhappy relationship. What advice would you give to the friend to cope–how can they make lemonade out of lemons?

My first piece of advice would be to seek counseling. There is nothing like the benefit of an impartial opinion. Otherwise, I would advise someone to either find a way to find happiness with that person, or end the relationship. No one deserves to be stuck in an unhappy relationship.

4. Nothing of value can be learned from failure. True or False?

False. Failure is an important part of learning and growing.

5. Even if you are sure about your ultimate choice, do you still ask others for advice before making an important or risky decision?

Yes! Often my counselor, but also friends or family.

Bonus: What is the sweetest or rewarding moment in your life?

I love seeing someone I love being happy, particularly when I have done something to spark that happiness. Giving someone a thoughtful gift or doing something that brings a smile to their face is the most rewarding thing.  

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1. Do you express your sexual pleasure with moans, groans, sighs, and other noises (provided that you are actually turned on)?
a. Yes, each time I have sex (90-100% of the time).
b. Yes, on most occasions (70-89% of the time).
c. Yes, on some occasions (40-69% of the time). – As long as there aren’t children’s ears nearby!
d. Yes, on a few occasions (less than 40% of the time).
e. No. Never, not even when I am really turned on.

2. How comfortable are you with sex in bright light or daylight? Pick one.
a. Completely comfortable
b. Fairly comfortable – It’s mostly about me not liking bright light in my face.
c. Somewhat comfortable/uncomfortable, depends on the partner.
d. Completely uncomfortable. I like to do it in the dark.

3. Is this statement True or False for you? Explain.
I would like to talk dirty with my partner, but I don’t dare for fear of being judged or ridiculed.

True – surprisingly. It’s crazy to think that considering the genre I write, but I am loath to say it out loud.

4. Have you ever done a striptease for a lover (impromptu or planned)? Did you enjoy it?

I have. Not sure I love it, but I would do it to please a partner.

5. How do you feel about giving anal sex (penetration with penis, finger or sex toys)? Pick one.
a. I enjoy it.
b. I’m okay with it.
c. I don’t really enjoy it. – It would be more to please a partner than please myself. *Have you figured out that I lean submissive yet?*
d. I don’t enjoy it at all.
e. I have never given anal sex.
f. I have never given anal sex, but would like to start.

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So here’s the thing… I keep forgetting when it’s Tuesday because my writing group changed. So, a day late, but still here!

1. Do you like tattoos? Do you have any tattoos?

I love Tattoos and I do have one. And I am considering more!

2. How did you pick your online profile name?

My husband and I picked it. He chose the initials J. R. and I decided what they were going to stand for.

3. What’s one saying you try to live by?

You cannot pour from an empty cup.

Without sounding selfish, I have been working really hard for the last few years on making sure that I take care of myself as well as my family.

4. What was the last bad meal you ate? Why was it so awful?

I ate a slightly burned grilled cheese recently. I like my grilled cheese under cooked, as opposed to overcooked. But, it wasn’t that bad. I just can’t think of anything else that’s bad that I ate.

5. When was your last bad sexual encounter? Why was it so awful?

Ooo, this one takes more thought. There have been some less than stellar ones lately, but nothing that was awful. But what made it not so good was that I just didn’t connect emotionally with the person.

Bonus: Tell us something random.

I love random number generators. I have, in fact, used a table and random number generators to choose meals (among many other things), including character characteristics!

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Every time I have written “Tuesday” today, I’ve missed a letter. Oy! Here we go:

1. Picture the child you once were, what did that child do very well?

I was a good student. I was always close to my teachers and did everything everyone asked of me. For better or worse, I always said yes! (I even somehow found myself volunteering for an abstinence education group even though I was already sexually active myself! But someone asked, and I said yes!)

2. What are you really good at now?

Saying no! I’ve tried really hard, especially recently, to learn my limits (in and out of the bedroom), and make sure that I say no when I’ve hit my limit.

3. Did you ever expect love in return and not get it?

I don’t know that I can say I ever “expect” love. It’s lovely to have it, and sometimes I wish for it or am hopeful for it and have had it not returned. But I don’t feel like it was ever an expectation.

4. Who do you need to get in touch with because it has been so long?

Oh jeeze. I have friends I should probably get in touch with. I missed the window with a family friend who passed away, and I’ve tried to learn from that mistake and stay in touch with people, but I’m imperfect.

5. What are your thoughts on this: “Every woman deserves her special day. I get that. But does it really have to cost so much fucking money? I mean, c’mon. If you’re serious about building a future with a guy, why bankrupt him?”

Oh interesting. Well, I mean, I like to be spoiled (and I think I am pretty spoiled), but it doesn’t have to be financial. Just like when I put my feet in my boyfriend’s lap and he rubs them automatically, I feel loved and special. That doesn’t cost him anything. Or when my husband drops me off at the door to a restaurant because he knows my feet are bothering me. That doesn’t cost him anything.

Plus, I think there has to be a balance. I spoil my partners just as much as they spoil me, or I try to anyway. We don’t “keep score.”

Bonus: What is your number one priority?

Myself. I don’t want to sound selfish, but I have learned over the past few years that if I don’t take care of myself, I have nothing to give to others.

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1. If you were an ice-cream flavor, what would you be and why?

I would be something nuts – for a little crunch.

2. What are the best sexy skills you bring to a sexual relationship?

I am good at taking moderate amounts of pain (and enjoying it) and coming up with creative ways to sneak kinky sex into a packed schedule.

3. What is the single largest problem causing you angst in your romantic relationship (current or most recent relationship)?

Scheduling! With multiple relationships, kids, full time jobs, etc. etc. etc., it’s very difficult to have adequate time for everyone.

4. What is the best part about being in a relationship with you?

I am the Sunshine (according to a bestie). Sometimes I have rough times, but generally speaking, I’m an eternal optimist!

5. What is the biggest misconception that people have about you?

That I’m innocent and inexperienced. Ha! I don’t look my age, and I look like a person who wouldn’t be into kinky sex and write bdsm erotica. But honestly, what does such a person look like?

Bonus:  When you look at old photos of yourself, do you like what you see?

Sometimes. There were phases in my life when I thought I was fat, and I wish I could get back to that weight. But I like seeing the experiences I have had and reminiscing about them.

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What kind of person are you?

1. Are you addicted to any social media (twitter, instagram, snapchat, etc.)?

Yes! I am a Facebook Addict, for sure.

2. You know a secret about someone. What do you do with that information?
a. I keep it to yourself
(b). I tell my best friend – unless it’s really personal or they know you.
c. I wait until they hurt me and use it as ammunition
d. I tell everyone I can, I don’t mean to, I just cannot keep a secret

3. You see someone breaking the rules at work, what do you do?
(a). Pretend not to see what is going on – unless it’s hurting someone else and then b!
b. Inform upper management
c. Advise the co-worker that their actions are frowned upon and can lead to job loss
d. Tell everyone else in the office what you saw

4. A friend has a new hairstyle that is un-becoming, and not really age-appropriate on them. They ask you how they look. What is your reply?
(a). You look just fine. Honestly, if they’re happy, I’m happy.
b. You look much better this way.
c. OMG, you look a bit ridiculous.
d. *Silence*

5. How helpful are you at home?
a. I come home and immediately veg out on the couch/bed.
b. I cook and clean a few times a week.
(c). I am extremely helpful. My partner and I are exactly that, partners. I hate that (d) is even an option (but recognize it’s true for a lot of people).
d. I do what I am asked and nothing more.

Bonus: In your opinion, what is the best city in the world? Why?

Boston. It is beautiful. I know the people have a reputation for being… whatever… but I have never found that. I felt welcomed into the city. I loved being able to hop on the T and go wherever I wanted. I loved that you could have city and park all wrapped up in one. The history is amazing. The shops and food are incredible. I would move back there in a heartbeat.

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1. If your lover was turned on by forced feminization would you participate (giving or receiving)?

I have had lovers who were turned on by it. It just doesn’t do anything for me. Sometimes I wish it did as bi male subs often enjoy it. I try to help out subs I’m involved with who are into it, but it’s just not my kink.

2. When you have sexual dreams or fantasies that are aggressive or cruel, does it worry you?

No, it doesn’t worry me. I know that my fantasies that are aggressive or cruel are my submissive side. Plus, I’ve had those types of dreams literally as long as I can remember.

3. Tell us your hottest, sexiest fantasy, right now, in 100 words or less.
This is the fantasy about your desires that you probably never share, maybe they even go against your morals or are societal taboos.

I wrote a story about it, actually. It was about a planned out gang bang with one girl (me, in my fantasy) and a bunch of guys. What makes it difficult to plan out is finding guys my husband and I trust who are willing to work together. If you want more detail, check out my A to Z story G is for Garage.

4. Which super hero would you like to have sex with? Why?
a. Aquaman
b. Superman
c. Wonder Woman
d. She-Ra

a. Aquaman. I mean, he’s gorgeous (not that any of the others aren’t), but I’ve also always been attracted to water.

5. Do you think the lure to live out sexual fantasies or have sex frequently is amplified by technology? Briefly explain.

It might be. What is great about technology is being able to connect with people who have kinks like you. What I once thought was weird or taboo, I have come to realize are kinks I share with many, many people, I just didn’t know it before.

Bonus: Describe your fantasy life in three (3) words.

Being openly myself.

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I missed last week, but here are this week’s TMI Tuesday Questions. Comment with your link if you participated!

1. If you had a whole week (no work, no kids) to do things with your significant other, what would you do?

Go on vacation. I would want to be out of the house so no other responsibilities either. Something all inclusive where we can spend lots of time in bed.

2. What is your idea of a long-term relationship?

My current relationship has lasted 14 years, so definitely at least a few years.

3. What is a healthy relationship?

A relationship with mutual respect. Listening, talking, compromise.

4. How did you meet your current (or last) lover?

The internet!

5. What is the first thing you do after having sex?

Clean up, so I can cuddle. I don’t like being a mess, so a bit of cleanup has to come first.

Bonus: Do you have any bad habits that you hide from your significant other? You can tell us…or not.

I’m pretty open with my significant other. I honestly can’t think of anything that he doesn’t know.

“My girlfriend Sandra at “What Sandra Thinks” is going through some tough times and her friends here on WordPress want to show her some love. Thanks to Cyranny at “Cyranny’s Cove” who came up with some questions for those of us who are closest to her. I loved the idea and readily agreed. If you follow the link to Cyranny’s blog, you find links to the other posts for Sandra. I’m thinking of this as a great big virtual hug for my friend:”

How did you discover Sandra’s blog? And how long have you been following her?

I met Sandra as part of the A to Z Blog Challenge. She quickly became one of my favorite bloggers, in fact! I even posted about her in my reflections post.

What do you enjoy the most about “What Sandra Thinks”?

I love her writing style, her genre, and especially her voice. Both in her fiction and in her personal posts, I can feel the real person behind the screen. Not all writers can portray that voice through their fiction.

What do you like the most about Sandra herself?

She’s such a real person. Good and bad, as we all are, but real. And she has the bravery to put it all out there. So many people in this digital world only put out the good things about themselves and it makes it seem like we’re all perfect people. I don’t post on my blog when I run out of money, or eat too much food, or skip going to the gym. It’s a skewed perspective. But Sandra is honest. More honest than most of us.

What would be one of your favorite posts from Sandra?

I only started reading her blog recently, and I love Dear Diary. It was definitely one of my top three favorites!

What would you tell Sandra, if you two were talking over a cup of coffee?

I’m hoping that we can get a cup of coffee this summer! I’m going to be heading out her way for vacation… maybe we’ll see. 🙂

What do you wish for Sandra, in the future?

I want Sandra to see herself the way we see her. I want her to find her dream job. I want her kids to tell her how much she inspires them (because I’m sure she does, but kids don’t often tell their parents that). I want her to find happiness and joy. She deserves it!

So, virtual hugs for my virtual friend, Sandra! (And you should all check out her blog!)

Thanks to the A to Z Blog Challenge, I found the TMI Tuesday Blog! One of the things I struggle with is what to put on my blog. Besides the obvious short (and not-so-short) fiction that I post, I don’t know what else to say. This is the perfect solution!

1. What makes you, you?
This is a fascinating question. A big part of me is my writing. I am passionate about it. If there is one thing I am going to invest my time in (outside of work and family/friends), it’s writing. It is an amazing outlet for me, both sexually (as I write erotic fiction) and in terms of a creative outlet. I am so grateful for my supportive writing group, too!

2. Do you care more about doing the right thing or doing things right?
Doing the right thing! I also want to do things right, but I am a very big believer in doing the right thing.

3. What is sexual freedom? Do you have it?
What a great question. As an erotic fiction writer, this is something that I feel strongly about. It is important to me that people have the ability to express themselves sexually in whatever way they like, with the only caveat being that it’s between consenting adults.

Do I have it? Mostly. At home I certainly do. My husband and I have a beautiful poly marriage. Our partners are respectful and wonderful, and we are very lucky to be able to explore.

However, I have to hide behind a pen name because of my profession. Not that I feel a need to share details of my sex life with coworkers, but it would be nice to be able to tell them that my husband and I are polyamorous.

4. In your romantic relationships, is trust more important than love?
Trust is definitely important, but love is what it’s all about. I will grant that there have been relationships which have failed because of a lack of trust, not a lack of love. But there have also been relationships that have failed because of a lack of love, not a lack of trust.

5. Your life, is it more of a dream or a nightmare?
My life is a dream. Definitely. It’s not 100% perfect, but it is wonderful in so many ways. I am blessed.

Bonus:  What is the last romantic thing you did for someone?
It was quite a while ago, but my favorite one was for my husband’s and my 5 year wedding anniversary, I filled 50 balloons with little notes of all the reasons I love him. Then I filled a room with them. We spent quite a while popping each balloon so he could read the notes.

Thanks for reading my first TMI Tuesday! Comment with your links so I can read yours, or comment to say hi! 🙂